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FMLs submitted from Nebraska

Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML

#5189179
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29875) - you deserved it (18068)

On 09/11/2009 at 4:11pm - work - by jeph23 (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to ruin my innocence. FML

#5141193
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19952) - you deserved it (3376)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:13am - intimacy - by Magnus_the_Red (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my next door neighbor told me that he liked the carpet in my bedroom. I live alone. He's never been in my bedroom. FML

#4767628
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39552) - you deserved it (1973)

On 08/23/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by violatedinden (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my work finally hired someone to replace some leaky pipes at work. I work in the basement by myself, and just as I walk under the newly fixed pipes, I get soaked with water. Apparently it was connected to a toilet. My boss couldn't find a replacement so they made me work covered in piss. FML

#4748586
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28781) - you deserved it (1940)

On 08/22/2009 at 11:29pm - work - by lifestinks (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I heard a girl telling her friend all about her boyfriend, John. They talked about the grocery store that he works at, and that he drives a nice yellow mustang. My boyfriend's name is John, works at that same grocery store, and drives a nice yellow mustang. FML

#4475773
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55398) - you deserved it (3435)

On 08/12/2009 at 2:09pm - love - by Kelly (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was given the best news of my life. I am cancer free and am not, at the ripe age of 23 going to bite the dust. My husband left his journal on the nightstand in our bedroom. He wrote, "I feel like a bad person, but if she dies, I don't have to get divorced." FML

#3418538
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74846) - you deserved it (4214)

On 07/02/2009 at 2:18am - love - by rockstarohyeah (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I visited my grandma. She offered me some chips in ziploc bag. I thought they were sour cream and onion chips from the look. They tasted funny, but I didn't want to be rude and I kept eating. I looked closer after a while and noticed that what I thought were chives was actually mold. FML

#3109891
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44028) - you deserved it (8479)

On 06/22/2009 at 1:43am - health - by badeats (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was with my 14 year old son when we saw a baby sparrow being attacked by four or five blackbirds. We rushed up, waving our arms and scared away the much bigger attackers. The baby sparrow ran toward us for protection, then went past both of us and ran straight down a storm sewer. FML

#2630273
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49217) - you deserved it (3974)

On 06/05/2009 at 12:56pm - misc - by Pierce (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was lining a soccer field. I had the entire grid laid out, so I began to paint with a handheld cart. I finished the entire field without looking back once. I forgot to put paint in the cart. I walked around a field for an hour painting with air. FML

#2201893
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13461) - you deserved it (59096)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by onlyme (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I graduated from college with two undergrad degrees in biochem and wildlife biology, with high distinction. My mom told me she had found me a job at a petting zoo. I thought she was joking. She then said sternly "I want grandkids. At least you will meet girls there." FML

#1798855
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45315) - you deserved it (3055)

On 05/10/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I changed the locks on my apartment so my crazy ex girlfriend couldn't get in. I went to her house to return her house key. I accidentally gave her the key to my new locks, and can't find her old house key. Now I need her to come let me in to my own house. FML

#1017007
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19756) - you deserved it (53560)

On 04/16/2009 at 10:47am - misc - by xnickx (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was at work at Panera. A blind woman came in, ordered and said other blind people were going to come in soon, because they were having a meeting. Later, a man comes in and ask if any other blind people had showed up. I told him there was just one in here wearing a blue shirt. FML

#697530
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18062) - you deserved it (85139)

On 03/30/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by superstar (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I went to the doctor to find out why I've been feeling so sick the past several weeks. Turns out, I'm severely allergic to the cat of my girlfriend of two years. I told her "It's me or the cat." She chose the cat. FML

#598637
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64314) - you deserved it (27103)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by fmlsrsly (man) - United States (Nebraska)



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