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FMLs submitted from Nebraska

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

#13464373
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29840) - you deserved it (3290)

On 10/15/2010 at 10:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat. Being in the moment we didn't notice the car moving. We DID notice the pole that stopped us though. FML

#13346165
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8025) - you deserved it (31500)

On 10/06/2010 at 7:41pm - intimacy - by Remember the parking brake - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I locked myself out of my car. While walking home to retrieve the spare, I realized I locked my house keys inside the house this morning. Now I must decide whether to break into my house or car. FML

#13158298
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11486) - you deserved it (21761)

On 09/22/2010 at 4:39pm - misc - by artmfanforever - United States (Nebraska)

Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML

#13104906
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7564) - you deserved it (30696)

On 09/18/2010 at 9:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I found out why I had been waking up feeling like crap for the past week. I found tufts of cat fur in my pillow case, and I am allergic to cats. My little brother thought I would get so sick, and he could have my XBox. FML

#12999181
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27534) - you deserved it (2162)

On 09/11/2010 at 1:31am - health - by fuzzy1895 (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

#12677495
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41619) - you deserved it (12546)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was showing my three year-old that going down the deck steps are perfectly safe. At the top, I tripped on my shoe and fell head first down every step. I now have five stitches and a three year old who won't go anywhere near the deck. FML

#12485958
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22253) - you deserved it (7380)

On 08/12/2010 at 9:06pm - misc - by Diana (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I learned that ice cubes do not cool down hot oil. Instead, it causes a massive explosion of hot grease to splatter all over my parents' kitchen. FML

#12248112
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8605) - you deserved it (69837)

On 08/01/2010 at 4:24pm - misc - by manicmandy - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend proposed. He said we’d go pick up the ring tomorrow. Then he asked to borrow $40 to get it out of pawn. He pawned it when his ex gave it back to him. FML

#12167424
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33487) - you deserved it (4258)

On 07/28/2010 at 3:27pm - love - by 34_22_34 (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML

#10791004
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15959) - you deserved it (29682)

On 05/27/2010 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was applying some acne ointment. The directions said, "Apply a thin layer, covering the entire affected area." In other words, for me: My entire face. Lovely. FML

#8988436
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20080) - you deserved it (3632)

On 03/11/2010 at 12:04am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. This was after I saved several paychecks to afford to give her a weekend away for her birthday. Why did she end things so quick? Because apparently I'm balding faster than her Dad. I'm 20. FML

#7806645
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26791) - you deserved it (2185)

On 02/02/2010 at 2:34am - love - by BaldingQuick (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I went on a third date with a guy, hoping that maybe finally I would get some physical interaction. I did. I got a high five. FML

#7434698
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26943) - you deserved it (6066)

On 01/19/2010 at 9:17am - love - by Sl3vin (woman) - United States (Nebraska)



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