Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, my boyfriend told me that he is homophobic. This wouldn't be such a big deal, if my mother wasn't a lesbian. He doesn't know this yet, and I'm afraid to tell him. FML

#16636156
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35441) - you deserved it (6149)

On 06/12/2011 at 11:20pm - love - by ash - United States (Missouri)

Today, I started my new job at a restaurant. I am going to be the mascot that stands by the road to wave down customers in a heavy polyester animal suit. The high today is 102. I work 12-4. FML

#16575408
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32784) - you deserved it (5737)

On 06/09/2011 at 7:50am - work - by aeghw1s - United States (Missouri)

Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML

#16485621
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27401) - you deserved it (2458)

On 06/03/2011 at 4:22pm - work - by ryjacs - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to Subway with my girlfriend. Just as the time came for her to pay, she went to the car to grab her purse. She didn't come back. I found a note on the windshield saying, "It's over." FML

#16189610
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37294) - you deserved it (13342)

On 05/15/2011 at 3:29pm - love - by DMitch (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML

#16017887
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21614) - you deserved it (41249)

On 05/02/2011 at 10:30am - work - by MathTeacher (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to hunt Easter eggs before we have sex. I'm glad he has his priorities straight. FML

#15896515
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29971) - you deserved it (9728)

On 04/23/2011 at 10:19am - intimacy - by Grrrr! - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found my dead phone that had been missing for two weeks. I turned it on to see that I had only gotten 2 text messages during the two weeks. They were both from my mother. FML

#15792275
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33305) - you deserved it (6097)

On 04/15/2011 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my friend called me at work to tell me that someone had hit my motorcycle and that it was in pretty bad shape. I chuckled and waited for the "April fools" that would follow. A picture of my wrecked bike came instead. FML

#15589455
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34689) - you deserved it (3357)

On 04/01/2011 at 1:50pm - misc - by Username - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't let me move into his new apartment with him. It turns out his other girlfriend had already moved in. FML

#15319129
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42326) - you deserved it (4387)

On 03/15/2011 at 5:23am - love - by Kimberlie (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML

#15296176
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12584) - you deserved it (67269)

On 03/13/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML

#15281209
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41675) - you deserved it (3349)

On 03/12/2011 at 12:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that the mysterious smell from under my bed was my cats collection of dead mice. FML

#15066024
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29050) - you deserved it (5928)

On 02/21/2011 at 2:20pm - animals - by Giggity - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML

#14913113
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23441) - you deserved it (2429)

On 02/09/2011 at 7:41pm - work - by spiderchick23 (woman) - United States (Missouri)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: