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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

#18404973
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42419) - you deserved it (9828)

On 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by pops up - United States (Missouri)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because we watched a movie that Taylor Lautner was in, she claims they made special eye contact and they are destined to be together. FML

#18379052
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42903) - you deserved it (4494)

On 11/28/2011 at 8:33pm - love - by hot_shot (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I shaved half my eyebrow off trying to shave my uni-brow. FML

#18355886
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16474) - you deserved it (28791)

On 11/26/2011 at 11:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my friends and I were going to do an ugly sweater photo shoot. When we met up, one of them was wearing a sweater I gave on her birthday. FML

#18346982
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27683) - you deserved it (9927)

On 11/25/2011 at 1:08pm - misc - by ravlol - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML

#18279897
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35610) - you deserved it (3982)

On 11/18/2011 at 8:30am - misc - by hannahk267 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got a concussion while teaching a kid how to be a safe and cautious swimmer. FML

#18077732
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20763) - you deserved it (4687)

On 10/26/2011 at 12:31am - work - by rowanjusmc - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

#18013165
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18432) - you deserved it (37265)

On 10/18/2011 at 2:55am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, during my first date with a girl I've liked for awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML

#17948133
357 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48712) - you deserved it (3575)

On 10/09/2011 at 11:27pm - love - by DyingPlants (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was trying to find my first message on Facebook. When I was reaching the bottom, I saw a message from my old crush. It contained a paragraph confessing her love for me and asking me to write back. Don't know how I missed that one. FML

#17874875
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40239) - you deserved it (7221)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:57pm - love - by lostlove (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out the reason why my therapist was so nice to me all of the time. Apparently, she is afraid that I'm going to stab her if she pisses me off. FML

#17845036
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26039) - you deserved it (5383)

On 09/27/2011 at 1:14am - health - by Josh - United States (Missouri)

Today, while I was on the bus, my foot fell asleep. When we arrived at my stop, I stood up and limped to the front of the bus. As I walked down the steps, I tripped, fell, and smashed my nose into the ground. The driver just laughed and drove away. FML

#17801056
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28087) - you deserved it (3221)

On 09/21/2011 at 11:41pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that my neighbors took it upon themselves to knock down the fence we shared, and putting up a new one. Thus fencing my pool into their yard. When I asked them why, he replied, "We thought you weren't coming back." I was gone for 4 months tending to my sister with breast cancer. FML

#17658715
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41880) - you deserved it (2168)

On 09/04/2011 at 2:09am - misc - by Pool-less - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was hosting a pool party, when my husband and his friends got the bright idea of lighting one of the party balloons on fire. Needless to say, it immediately exploded. In shock, he jumped back straight into me, sending me and my $400 cell phone splashing into the pool. FML

#17592459
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27078) - you deserved it (6180)

On 08/27/2011 at 3:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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