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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I got a concussion while teaching a kid how to be a safe and cautious swimmer. FML

#18077732
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19309) - you deserved it (4485)

On 10/26/2011 at 12:31am - work - by rowanjusmc - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

#18013165
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18287) - you deserved it (37018)

On 10/18/2011 at 2:55am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, during my first date with a girl I've liked for awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML

#17948133
352 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45908) - you deserved it (3357)

On 10/09/2011 at 11:27pm - love - by DyingPlants (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was trying to find my first message on Facebook. When I was reaching the bottom, I saw a message from my old crush. It contained a paragraph confessing her love for me and asking me to write back. Don't know how I missed that one. FML

#17874875
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37869) - you deserved it (6856)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:57pm - love - by lostlove (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out the reason why my therapist was so nice to me all of the time. Apparently, she is afraid that I'm going to stab her if she pisses me off. FML

#17845036
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23903) - you deserved it (5160)

On 09/27/2011 at 1:14am - health - by Josh - United States (Missouri)

Today, while I was on the bus, my foot fell asleep. When we arrived at my stop, I stood up and limped to the front of the bus. As I walked down the steps, I tripped, fell, and smashed my nose into the ground. The driver just laughed and drove away. FML

#17801056
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25918) - you deserved it (3001)

On 09/21/2011 at 11:41pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that my neighbors took it upon themselves to knock down the fence we shared, and putting up a new one. Thus fencing my pool into their yard. When I asked them why, he replied, "We thought you weren't coming back." I was gone for 4 months tending to my sister with breast cancer. FML

#17658715
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39682) - you deserved it (2031)

On 09/04/2011 at 2:09am - misc - by Pool-less - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was hosting a pool party, when my husband and his friends got the bright idea of lighting one of the party balloons on fire. Needless to say, it immediately exploded. In shock, he jumped back straight into me, sending me and my $400 cell phone splashing into the pool. FML

#17592459
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25083) - you deserved it (5957)

On 08/27/2011 at 3:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while watching tv at my mother's house, a tornado warning came across the screen. After being in the dark nasty basement for half an hour, my mom realizes she was watching a recorded show, and that tornado warning was for 2 weeks ago. FML

#17393465
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31521) - you deserved it (4490)

On 08/07/2011 at 1:29am - misc - by cargaljen - United States (Missouri)

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

#17384157
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29038) - you deserved it (3340)

On 08/06/2011 at 1:53am - misc - by nomorecookies - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML

#17337129
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32695) - you deserved it (2817)

On 08/01/2011 at 10:46pm - misc - by Username - United States (Missouri)

Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

#17302566
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28156) - you deserved it (17028)

On 07/29/2011 at 10:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, while working at Kohl's this woman came up to me and asked if I was Native American, I said yes, she then says "Oh! I thought you guys went extinct." This is the country I live in. FML

#17297056
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42523) - you deserved it (3329)

On 07/29/2011 at 11:18am - work - by crazygirl12 - United States (Missouri)



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