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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, a one-eyed drunken homeless man followed me around the store I work at, screaming at me because I turned down his sexual advances. My managers and coworkers wouldn't kick him out because they thought it was funny. FML

#20119087
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23965) - you deserved it (1746)

On 10/16/2012 at 12:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I learned I'm not allergic to gluten. My mom has kept me on a gluten free diet since I was 5. She was convinced I was allergic to it. I'm 25 and I am writing this over my first slice of pizza in 20 years. FML

#20057669
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31994) - you deserved it (1791)

On 09/04/2012 at 5:38pm - health - by Emma - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was training a new girl at work. We're always told to find "common interests" with the people we are training to make it less awkward for them. Little did I know that our "common interest" would turn out to be my boyfriend. FML

#20043557
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26882) - you deserved it (1484)

On 08/26/2012 at 11:13pm - love - by damnit. (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while watching the Olympics, my father found it completely necessary to make a farting sound every single time an athlete jumps or bends over. This will be a very long few weeks. FML

#19995451
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18766) - you deserved it (1942)

On 07/31/2012 at 10:49pm - misc - by joleezad5 - United States (Missouri)

Today, after having taken hormone tablets to try to increase my cup size, I realized that I've basically reversed my menopause. FML

#19975577
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5031) - you deserved it (28397)

On 07/22/2012 at 3:25pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

#19862258
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19846) - you deserved it (3402)

On 06/28/2012 at 7:44pm - misc - by zombieguyswife (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I realized just how much of a bitch I am when I grounded my son for not telling me what he got me for my birthday. FML

#19861407
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6187) - you deserved it (80142)

On 06/28/2012 at 4:29pm - kids - by MeanMother - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML

#19832041
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24426) - you deserved it (1596)

On 06/23/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Coffee Boy - United States (Missouri)

Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML

#19653798
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21812) - you deserved it (1612)

On 05/20/2012 at 9:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was looking through my Internet browsing history. Apparently my wife had searched "How to have an affair without getting caught". FML

#19484156
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35315) - you deserved it (2267)

On 04/17/2012 at 2:11pm - love - by Jason199615 - United States (Missouri)

Today, my wife and I went to our friend's house to play some pool. While playing, a Cicada started to fly towards my face, so I flipped my pool stick over and swatted at it with the fat end of the stick. I hit the bug. However, with the skinny side I hit myself in the snow-globes. FML

#19409453
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8007) - you deserved it (18372)

On 04/04/2012 at 10:50pm - misc - by Chris (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML

#19352166
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21838) - you deserved it (5272)

On 03/26/2012 at 4:56pm - intimacy - by JC (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was out with my dog, who loves to bury things. He had recently torn apart his toy and buried it in the sand. I saw a piece of it sticking out of the ground, so I picked it up. It turns out that I was not holding his toy, but rather a dead bat. FML



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