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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML

#21386851
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30181) - you deserved it (2841)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:08am - misc - by overreacting - United States (Missouri)

Today, after recently quitting a terrible job which made me miserable, I went to my first work meeting at my new job. I was excited to start fresh and meet my new coworkers. Instead, I met my boyfriend's extremely jealous ex-girlfriend. She didn't look excited to see me. FML

#21383954
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29520) - you deserved it (2087)

On 03/30/2015 at 1:06am - work - by kitkat3308 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

#21379871
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30508) - you deserved it (4224)

On 03/23/2015 at 12:42am - animals - by birdsterrifyme - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer because he thought I was skipping school. I'm 24 and we graduated high school together. FML

#21377506
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37993) - you deserved it (2767)

On 03/19/2015 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML

#21368848
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35276) - you deserved it (7515)

On 03/05/2015 at 7:25pm - misc - by Josh - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I'm extremely uncomfortable with eye contact, but he kept staring into my eyes the entire time. I had to sing the F.U.N. song from Spongebob in my head to stop myself having an anxiety attack. FML

#21356336
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41002) - you deserved it (6125)

On 02/14/2015 at 10:41pm - intimacy - by jessybear777 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I'm working for a company that makes over a million dollars a year, yet leaves me with no choice but to pee in a cup because they won't pay to fix the only toilet in the building. FML

#21355373
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30240) - you deserved it (2328)

On 02/13/2015 at 2:05pm - work - by Anonynonynon (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found three of my sister's dildos as I helped her unpack boxes for her new house. Jokingly, I said, "Why would you even need three?!" She actually explained. FML

#21334501
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35584) - you deserved it (13209)

On 01/10/2015 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by sisterlylove - United States (Missouri)

Today, after paying a job coach a load of money for his services, pretty much the only advice he gave me was "Send out more résumés." FML

#21333885
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26714) - you deserved it (4770)

On 01/09/2015 at 11:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML

#21324827
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32178) - you deserved it (3307)

On 12/26/2014 at 6:06pm - love - by GOAWAY - United States (Missouri)

Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

#21318238
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34600) - you deserved it (4171)

On 12/15/2014 at 10:38pm - kids - by Lisa - United States (Missouri)

Today, I asked my dad why we didn't have any baby pictures. His response was, "They got lost in the flood of '93." I was born in '95. FML

#21314190
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32765) - you deserved it (2539)

On 12/09/2014 at 12:45am - misc - by mn167109 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I finally got time to take a nap. Later, my mom asked me if I was depressed because I didn't leave my room for 3 hours. She talked to my dad about it, and now my family thinks I'm depressed because I slept for 3 hours. FML

#21306606
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32923) - you deserved it (2631)

On 11/27/2014 at 2:06am - misc - by Sleep. - United States (Missouri)



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