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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I told my boyfriend that it's time for him to stop blaming others and own up to his mistakes. He retorted, "Don't blame me!" FML

#21288212
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29795) - you deserved it (3598)

On 10/30/2014 at 3:25am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML

#21276105
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39112) - you deserved it (4233)

On 10/12/2014 at 9:21am - intimacy - by MotherMary - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to a parade. While I was there, I ran into my ex and his new girlfriend. Trying to prove I was over him, I tried to act like I was oblivious to them and having a great time. I turned around, only for a piece of candy to hit me square me in the eye. FML

#21271287
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32629) - you deserved it (4901)

On 10/05/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by HarleyDavison - United States (Missouri)

Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML

#21265865
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36316) - you deserved it (4144)

On 09/26/2014 at 3:44pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, after years of wonderful flying experiences, I boarded a flight and took my seat only to find a baby sitting in front of me, behind me, and to the right of me, and across the aisle from me. All of whom decided to cry in unison. It was a 9-hour flight. FML

#21249416
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48875) - you deserved it (3925)

On 09/01/2014 at 12:34am - misc - by MLeguillon - United States (Missouri)

Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML

#21247953
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45987) - you deserved it (6879)

On 08/29/2014 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by SCARRED (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom at work. It was so vile, I didn't want to get anywhere near it, so flushed it with my foot, only for it to slip off the handle and into the toilet. FML

#21244424
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37473) - you deserved it (13054)

On 08/24/2014 at 1:31pm - work - by Alisterine - United States (Missouri)

Today, as I was on the couch taking a nap, it started violently shaking. I panicked and chased my family outside, convinced it was an earthquake. It was just the cat trapped inside the couch. FML

Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML

#21213929
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38478) - you deserved it (24455)

On 07/19/2014 at 7:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML

#21190761
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46265) - you deserved it (9790)

On 06/27/2014 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

#21187944
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49249) - you deserved it (12919)

On 06/25/2014 at 1:45pm - love - by fredfredburger (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I lost my dog while hiking. After searching the trails for an hour and a half, he was by the car. FML

Today, I started a new internship. I couldn't do anything until I was trained, and I couldn't be trained until I had a login. I stared at a wall for three hours. FML

#21185673
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35913) - you deserved it (3955)

On 06/23/2014 at 6:59pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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