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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML

#5466637
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35655) - you deserved it (16007)

On 09/25/2009 at 2:16pm - love - by looking (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was in a college band rehearsal, and I get a call saying "your car was just hit by a tree!" I said "yeah, right", and hung up on her. Minutes later, the band manager walks in and tells me that my car is totaled. I then went and stood in the rain watching a tree get cut off my car. FML

#5421005
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28135) - you deserved it (5681)

On 09/22/2009 at 10:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML

#5410681
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34082) - you deserved it (4985)

On 09/22/2009 at 5:36am - misc - by kimmybr (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML

#5313316
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11796) - you deserved it (50783)

On 09/17/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by nV1ous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was washing some clothes in the laundry room at my apartment complex. I went back an hour later, passed my neighbor on the way in, and moved my clothes to the dryer. I just brought them back from the dryer, and all my underwear are missing. FML

#5303139
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33292) - you deserved it (2804)

On 09/16/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by Lulu (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that the money my husband said he loaned to his "mother" actually went to the purchase of new lingerie for the woman he's cheating on me with. I just got the bill from the department store. FML

#5252431
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41434) - you deserved it (2593)

On 09/14/2009 at 3:28pm - love - by thisistypical (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML

#5082348
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60115) - you deserved it (8880)

On 09/06/2009 at 2:19pm - health - by Curt (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend in my dorm room. My roommate came in, despite the signal I had up on the door. She didn't leave. She got on her computer and started playing Solitaire. FML

#5050419
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21115) - you deserved it (4756)

On 09/04/2009 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed "holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML

#4981586
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12102) - you deserved it (40647)

On 09/01/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by becca1417 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML

#4974670
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6816) - you deserved it (62178)

On 09/01/2009 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I stood for half an hour in the rain waiting for my bus. As I started to go inside, my bus turned around the corner and splashed water all over me. The bus driver wouldn't let me on the bus because I was soaking wet and I would "mess up the seats". FML

#4949959
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42809) - you deserved it (2271)

On 08/31/2009 at 9:05am - misc - by soaked (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, an old lady came to the bank where I worked at to apply for a loan. She obviously didn't qualify for one as she has no income coming in. She looked so pitiful, so I changed a couple of her information so she could. She reported me and I got fired. FML

#4785631
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20114) - you deserved it (52742)

On 08/24/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by NoThanks (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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