Today, I bought my girlfriend two tickets to a Broadway show that was coming through town she really wanted to see. I couldn't attend with her due to work so she said she would take her mom. I found out later she took her ex. Now they're back together, and I paid for the date that made it happen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (132284) - you deserved it (15449)
On 03/26/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by Voice29 (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (316221) - you deserved it (27853)
On 03/21/2009 at 3:15am - intimacy - by jilted (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I interviewed for a full scholarship to college. In the interview I said that I was excited about the new dean because I think she’ll be able to really make improvements and bring the school back to where it used to be. After the interview, I learned my interviewer was the former dean. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46099) - you deserved it (17221)
On 03/15/2009 at 12:46am - misc - by fire (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have our first "Cybering" experience. I downloaded Skype per his instructions, and hooked up my cam. Just as everything started getting hot and heavy, I farted. He stopped and frowned. I had no idea it was a video AND voice program. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15853) - you deserved it (71827)
On 03/11/2009 at 2:35pm - intimacy - by awkwardgayboi (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19902) - you deserved it (63828)
On 03/11/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by theassman (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16125) - you deserved it (50740)
On 03/06/2009 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by ToobyFrank - United States (Missouri)
Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63081) - you deserved it (3512)
On 03/04/2009 at 6:38pm - misc - by arrrrggggghhhh (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML
I agree, your life sucks (21707) - you deserved it (35686)
On 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by Señor Guapo (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43722) - you deserved it (35550)
On 03/03/2009 at 4:27pm - kids - by Fat Dad (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he had pulled when we made love. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replies "putting my fish tank together". FML
I agree, your life sucks (37461) - you deserved it (4387)
On 03/03/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by lucy (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I hit a car while trying to answer a phone call from my mom. I quickly answered the phone and shouted "What!?". To which she replied, "I just had a bad feeling in my gut about you so I wanted to make sure you were ok." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39687) - you deserved it (10859)
On 02/27/2009 at 12:43pm - misc - by wwasmer (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (205359) - you deserved it (44829)
On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I had a great workout and was feeling really good about my body. Until I sat on my desk, and broke it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28729) - you deserved it (5619)
On 02/19/2009 at 2:36am - health - by fatass (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
