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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I was telling my sister about the stupid sorts of questions I get asked at work. She looked at me and said "I give you five years until you turn into a raging, chain-smoking corporate bitch." My mom agreed. FML

#9031003
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18159) - you deserved it (3764)

On 03/12/2010 at 8:23pm - work - by ams (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was babysitting. Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch. He locked me out, wrecked the house, and let me in right when he saw their car two hours later. I didn't get paid. I paid them. FML

#8944596
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25741) - you deserved it (8467)

On 03/09/2010 at 12:19pm - kids - by lockedoutbabysitter (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML

#8790917
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31439) - you deserved it (2327)

On 03/03/2010 at 12:37am - misc - by holycrap (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I decided to apply for a credit card to help build up my credit rating. It seemed smart since I'm a 24 year old college graduate. I was rejected for not having a credit history. Being rejected turns out to hurt your credit history. The irony of my predicament is too great for words. FML

#8615441
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28558) - you deserved it (2410)

On 02/24/2010 at 2:13pm - money - by creditwhore (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

#8532673
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7196) - you deserved it (26321)

On 02/21/2010 at 10:14pm - animals - by Rafiki (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, the pictures from last night's party were put on Facebook. The pictures that show me getting in a drunken fight with a girl and her putting my face through the wall. FML

#8477900
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6404) - you deserved it (32007)

On 02/20/2010 at 12:29pm - misc - by creamed (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, at 1am, the girl of my dreams that I've been trying for over three years to date, finally asked me out via SMS. Too bad I was asleep at the time. She now thinks I've rejected her, and will no longer speak to me. FML

#8476151
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27979) - you deserved it (3365)

On 02/20/2010 at 11:22am - love - by Bilirubin (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked. Then, since I was laughing so hard about that, I accidentally farted. FML

#7901856
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33125) - you deserved it (7754)

On 02/05/2010 at 8:44am - misc - by hisgirl4life (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I discovered that my roommate uses her twitter to complain about me. FML

#7725800
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20633) - you deserved it (5175)

On 01/30/2010 at 11:01pm - misc - by sparkle (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I realized that the only reason my boyfriend has been coming over to hang out at my house for the past two months is because my little brother has an N64. I have become a third wheel to their mario kart dates. FML

#7699388
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24130) - you deserved it (3540)

On 01/30/2010 at 4:40am - misc - by wowsucks (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML

#7662711
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5919) - you deserved it (26058)

On 01/29/2010 at 12:10am - work - by ke (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

#7562154
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11046) - you deserved it (20421)

On 01/25/2010 at 1:33am - health - by nyu (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out the antibiotics I'm taking can cause you to vomit unexpectedly. In the car. While driving. To work. FML

#7437528
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24524) - you deserved it (2527)

On 01/19/2010 at 2:25pm - health - by addie19 (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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