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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML

#13481200
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37983) - you deserved it (7989)

On 10/17/2010 at 1:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while on my run, I was attacked by my neighbor's new dog. It apparently didn't like me running past their house and broke free from its chain. I now have stitches and was just told that I'm probably being taken to court for the emotional distress I caused her and the dog. FML

#13397431
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32618) - you deserved it (2363)

On 10/10/2010 at 8:57pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out everybody at work thinks I'm a lesbian because they thought my boyfriend was a girl. FML

#13370943
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25407) - you deserved it (5360)

On 10/08/2010 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went over to this girl's house that I really like. I was planning on cooking her dinner. In the process, the grease in the pan got too hot and caught fire. We ended up having to call the fire department. FML

#13340119
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20835) - you deserved it (7501)

On 10/06/2010 at 5:31am - love - by fireman (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I talked to my boss about scheduling my urgently needed surgery. She asked me to wait until after Christmas, and told me that I should use vacation time instead of sick leave. She's also not going to give me the total paid time off my contract specifies, because it's "inconvenient." FML

#13008044
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25322) - you deserved it (1946)

On 09/11/2010 at 7:36pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking through an old photo album of mine. I turned to a page with a picture of me on my last day of college. I thought the picture was quite nice. He turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I take bad pictures too." FML

#12234488
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24234) - you deserved it (3035)

On 07/31/2010 at 10:28pm - love - by XxHinkaixX (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML

#11983627
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97997) - you deserved it (5650)

On 07/19/2010 at 1:36pm - love - by betrayed (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was taking my dog on a walk when two younger looking boys rode their bikes up towards me. One said, "What about her?" The other boy said, "Nah, she's ugly." FML

#11271571
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28500) - you deserved it (3156)

On 06/17/2010 at 6:56pm - animals - by MCRxforever - United States (Missouri)

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

#11011756
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42893) - you deserved it (6442)

On 06/06/2010 at 2:31pm - kids - by Annakins (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom sent me beautiful candlesticks along with some half burned candles. I thanked her. She told me the candlesticks were a wedding gift to my grandmother 85 years ago. Then she said the candles were used at my grandma's wedding. I had already lit them. FML

#9177145
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21010) - you deserved it (7313)

On 03/18/2010 at 12:46am - misc - by knews - United States (Missouri)

Today, I spent three hours getting ready to go out to lunch with my boyfriend, only to find out he meant we're going to the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart so he can also pick up condoms. FML

#9102089
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25265) - you deserved it (8851)

On 03/15/2010 at 12:46pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I visited my family for spring break because I've been away at college and I haven't seen them since Christmas. Almost as soon as I walked in the door, my mom had me clean the living room area, clean up cat vomit, and do the dishes. Thanks guys... I missed you too. FML

#9047484
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22420) - you deserved it (2634)

On 03/13/2010 at 2:01pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)



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