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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML

#11983627
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97732) - you deserved it (5641)

On 07/19/2010 at 1:36pm - love - by betrayed (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was taking my dog on a walk when two younger looking boys rode their bikes up towards me. One said, "What about her?" The other boy said, "Nah, she's ugly." FML

#11271571
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28426) - you deserved it (3152)

On 06/17/2010 at 6:56pm - animals - by MCRxforever - United States (Missouri)

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

#11011756
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42823) - you deserved it (6438)

On 06/06/2010 at 2:31pm - kids - by Annakins (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom sent me beautiful candlesticks along with some half burned candles. I thanked her. She told me the candlesticks were a wedding gift to my grandmother 85 years ago. Then she said the candles were used at my grandma's wedding. I had already lit them. FML

#9177145
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20949) - you deserved it (7300)

On 03/18/2010 at 12:46am - misc - by knews - United States (Missouri)

Today, I spent three hours getting ready to go out to lunch with my boyfriend, only to find out he meant we're going to the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart so he can also pick up condoms. FML

#9102089
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25205) - you deserved it (8842)

On 03/15/2010 at 12:46pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I visited my family for spring break because I've been away at college and I haven't seen them since Christmas. Almost as soon as I walked in the door, my mom had me clean the living room area, clean up cat vomit, and do the dishes. Thanks guys... I missed you too. FML

#9047484
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22061) - you deserved it (2601)

On 03/13/2010 at 2:01pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was telling my sister about the stupid sorts of questions I get asked at work. She looked at me and said "I give you five years until you turn into a raging, chain-smoking corporate bitch." My mom agreed. FML

#9031003
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18095) - you deserved it (3760)

On 03/12/2010 at 8:23pm - work - by ams (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was babysitting. Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch. He locked me out, wrecked the house, and let me in right when he saw their car two hours later. I didn't get paid. I paid them. FML

#8944596
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25307) - you deserved it (8383)

On 03/09/2010 at 12:19pm - kids - by lockedoutbabysitter (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML

#8790917
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31346) - you deserved it (2322)

On 03/03/2010 at 12:37am - misc - by holycrap (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I decided to apply for a credit card to help build up my credit rating. It seemed smart since I'm a 24 year old college graduate. I was rejected for not having a credit history. Being rejected turns out to hurt your credit history. The irony of my predicament is too great for words. FML

#8615441
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28502) - you deserved it (2405)

On 02/24/2010 at 2:13pm - money - by creditwhore (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

#8532673
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7179) - you deserved it (26268)

On 02/21/2010 at 10:14pm - animals - by Rafiki (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, the pictures from last night's party were put on Facebook. The pictures that show me getting in a drunken fight with a girl and her putting my face through the wall. FML

#8477900
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6210) - you deserved it (31418)

On 02/20/2010 at 12:29pm - misc - by creamed (man) - United States (Missouri)



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