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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I wanted to annoy my sister by playing the air horn app on my iPhone. I forgot that I had headphones in. Let's just say I quickly had to change my underwear. FML

#14797258
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8147) - you deserved it (61214)

On 02/01/2011 at 1:50pm - misc - by Brea - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was backing out of my snowy drive way on my way to work. I thought I hit a lump of snow. I'd run over my white cat. FML

#14698067
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35887) - you deserved it (7090)

On 01/24/2011 at 1:30pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I came to the conclusion that you should always tell the truth. While I was busy reassuring her that the condom didn't break, she was telling me how it was okay because she was on the pill. According to the pregnancy test, we both lied. FML

#14585624
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12052) - you deserved it (46706)

On 01/15/2011 at 2:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandparents for the first time. When my boyfriend introduced us, his grandfather smiled at me, took my hand, and said in the most polite voice, "Wow, you're not nearly as pretty as he described you." FML

#14511615
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24135) - you deserved it (2477)

On 01/08/2011 at 7:22pm - misc - by lizard (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boss decided to post a photo of a piece of crap on Facebook. He tagged me in it. FML

#14500845
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25417) - you deserved it (3679)

On 01/07/2011 at 8:31pm - work - by poop (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea for me to talk with a British accent during my job interview to make me sound smarter. I'm applying for a job at McDonald's. FML

#14394529
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24097) - you deserved it (4721)

On 12/30/2010 at 10:37am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, the horn in my car decided to malfunction. It honked continuously for an hour as I drove down the highway. FML

#14315930
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24803) - you deserved it (2516)

On 12/23/2010 at 9:21pm - misc - by nick (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, the guy who got off when the elevator's doors opened had a very embarrassed look on his face. I didn't think anything of it till the doors closed. Turns out he was running away from his deadly fart. FML

#14242742
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24024) - you deserved it (2619)

On 12/18/2010 at 12:56am - misc - by lizard (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML

#14074806
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36793) - you deserved it (5146)

On 12/03/2010 at 7:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, at work, a little boy shyly told his mom he thought I was cute. I smiled at him as she looked me up and down and said to him, "Eww, honey. No, you do not!" FML

#13853853
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32158) - you deserved it (2709)

On 11/15/2010 at 3:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML

#13481200
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37923) - you deserved it (7985)

On 10/17/2010 at 1:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while on my run, I was attacked by my neighbor's new dog. It apparently didn't like me running past their house and broke free from its chain. I now have stitches and was just told that I'm probably being taken to court for the emotional distress I caused her and the dog. FML

#13397431
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32623) - you deserved it (2359)

On 10/10/2010 at 8:57pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out everybody at work thinks I'm a lesbian because they thought my boyfriend was a girl. FML

#13370943
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25348) - you deserved it (5350)

On 10/08/2010 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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