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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, my husband reorganized our fridge for the World Cup. He cleared everything out and filled it with beer and chips. FML

#21171761
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41366) - you deserved it (9954) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/12/2014 at 1:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

#21171240
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46274) - you deserved it (6974)

On 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had to take my daughter home from school because she had been caught flashing the boys during class. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't an appropriate way to act or behave but she interrupted me, "Mom, you don't even understand." You're right. I don't. FML

#21146764
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44811) - you deserved it (6289)

On 05/20/2014 at 10:24pm - kids - by HouseWife - United States (Missouri)

Today, my art teacher showed off a painting of his name he got in Japan. I can read Japanese, and it actually says "Old idiot". I really don't want to break it to him. FML

#21130223
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45180) - you deserved it (4735)

On 05/04/2014 at 2:12am - misc - by Sam (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML

#21114779
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54694) - you deserved it (5674)

On 04/16/2014 at 6:03pm - intimacy - by MILF (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML

#21113585
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48394) - you deserved it (3781)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:01am - love - by cricha4208 - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mother asked me why her new airsoft gun wasn't working. I explained to her that it doesn't actually shoot air, it requires pellets too. She looked at me like I was too stupid to be her son. FML

#21078133
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37669) - you deserved it (2905)

On 03/04/2014 at 7:09pm - kids - by Drizztreri - United States (Missouri)

Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML

#21059009
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31548) - you deserved it (47642)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

#21022453
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57427) - you deserved it (6947)

On 01/09/2014 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML

#21017330
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46716) - you deserved it (12654)

On 01/05/2014 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

#20992530
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43204) - you deserved it (3552)

On 12/14/2013 at 5:39pm - misc - by bnc (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, marks my third day of school being closed due to snow. One, and only one, of the teachers has decided that we have to do work online in the meantime. I just so happen to be in three of his classes. FML

#20987643
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40601) - you deserved it (4329)

On 12/10/2013 at 12:26pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I came home to a noise complaint letter taped to my apartment door. I haven't been home in over a month. FML

#20981967
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36574) - you deserved it (2063)

On 12/05/2013 at 6:39pm - misc - by Lulu - United States (Missouri)



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