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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I had sex with this guy. His dad came upstairs and poked his head through the door right after we had finished, but were still naked in bed. All he said was, "No twins," and walked off. FML

#21466320
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23148) - you deserved it (4077)

On 09/08/2015 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by Doesn't Matter Had Sex - United States (Missouri)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through charades. FML

#21457655
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22444) - you deserved it (5046)

On 08/18/2015 at 4:17pm - love - by I hate games - United States (Missouri)

Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML

#21451832
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25051) - you deserved it (1913)

On 08/04/2015 at 4:56pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, as I was working at a bakery, a woman stormed in, cut in front of the line, and began yelling at me. She claimed I didn't give her a sandwich earlier and demanded a refund. She got the refund out of my paycheck, and as she was leaving she muttered, "Ha, works every time." FML

#21446622
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28972) - you deserved it (2024)

On 07/24/2015 at 4:08pm - work - by jb100 - United States (Missouri)

Today, my grandpa still receives more mail than me. He's been dead for three years. FML

#21442079
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25445) - you deserved it (2476)

On 07/15/2015 at 2:06pm - misc - by lesousterre - United States (Missouri)

Today, while at work, a customer, who was also on his phone, rudely asked what kinds of bread we had for his sandwich. After I told him we had many different kinds to offer, he cut me off, told me to stop playing stupid, and stormed out after holding up a long line of people. FML

#21437185
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23448) - you deserved it (1955)

On 07/06/2015 at 2:03am - work - by breadcrumb - United States (Missouri)

Today, I sent the girl I like flowers, only to have her later post a picture of them online, saying, "ha when losers send you flowers". FML

#21435086
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31973) - you deserved it (2388)

On 07/01/2015 at 10:04pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

#21428553
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33642) - you deserved it (14051)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by shmarf (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML

#21421518
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29500) - you deserved it (5304)

On 06/05/2015 at 10:14pm - love - by CassidyQueen - United States (Missouri)

Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML

Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't want to eat dinner. She started accusing me of being anorexic, so I ate a little bit anyway to make her stop. I then threw up, only for her to take it as confirmation that I have an eating disorder. FML

#21403099
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31712) - you deserved it (2323)

On 05/01/2015 at 8:33pm - health - by I'm just sick, really - United States (Missouri)

Today, a parent of one of the students I teach called me to complain that I was teaching her child "lies" and "fairytales". I was teaching them about the Holocaust. FML

#21390720
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35325) - you deserved it (2114)

On 04/09/2015 at 3:38pm - work - by PrettySureItsReal - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was told it was inconvenient for me to take lunch breaks, because someone else has to answer the phones and no one else wants to actually do any work. FML

#21388704
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27748) - you deserved it (1851)

On 04/06/2015 at 4:02pm - work - by tee - United States (Missouri)



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