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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I got a new roommate. He's from Mongolia. He has had 5 friends over for the last 7 hours, all speaking Mongolian. This is the most awkward party I have ever been to. FML

#21517225
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18771) - you deserved it (1620)

On 01/20/2016 at 12:42am - misc - by Sittinginthecorner (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I tried dying my hair blonde. I put my hair in a bun and waited for it to dye. I guess I did something wrong, because my hair is now 4 different shades of blonde/orange, along with patches of my natural black hair. FML

#21507650
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15954) - you deserved it (11070)

On 12/25/2015 at 11:00am - misc - by shitberries (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after quitting my job to take a very attractive position with a competitor, I was told the position was no longer being offered. I'm now on my way to file for unemployment. FML

#21505755
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21069) - you deserved it (3970)

On 12/20/2015 at 5:19am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML

#21504867
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11476) - you deserved it (19939)

On 12/17/2015 at 4:37pm - kids - by 117halo12345 (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I realized why "Stay off the grass" signs were all over campus. I cut through the grass on my way to my next class and tripped over a sprinkler head, breaking it off and soaking myself in muddy water. I had to sit through a 4-hour lecture with wet, muddy clothes. FML

#21496891
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11684) - you deserved it (27912)

On 11/26/2015 at 12:35am - misc - by clumsy - United States (Missouri)

Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML

#21486241
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26020) - you deserved it (2419)

On 10/30/2015 at 6:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up at 3a.m. to get ready for a "fun work retreat". After driving 2 hours to the site, I find that nobody is there. After about half an hour standing there freezing, I get an email from my boss, telling me that "It's canceled due to bad weather". FML

#21485733
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22828) - you deserved it (1653)

On 10/29/2015 at 6:16am - work - by SamAaron502 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML

#21485281
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25152) - you deserved it (3299)

On 10/28/2015 at 12:11am - misc - by welp - United States (Missouri)

Today, the man who fired me from my job became my stepfather. FML

#21481122
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25595) - you deserved it (1598)

On 10/17/2015 at 2:23pm - misc - by Guy - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to my cousin's house. I left my bag on the couch as my aunt instructed, only for my cousin to take it and throw it into the swimming pool. My laptop, textbooks and notes were soaked. My exam is in a week, and my aunt won't punish her perfect little angel. FML

#21479934
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29223) - you deserved it (1684)

On 10/14/2015 at 9:21am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML

#21469516
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22824) - you deserved it (2272)

On 09/17/2015 at 1:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I decided to to gather up the courage to ask the cute boy in my math class for his number. He gave it to me, and I texted him later that night. But little did I know he actually gave me the number of the creep in class who is always grabbing my ass. I ended up asking the creep out. FML

#21468219
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27403) - you deserved it (3218)

On 09/14/2015 at 1:17am - love - by thisiswhyimsingle - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had sex with this guy. His dad came upstairs and poked his head through the door right after we had finished, but were still naked in bed. All he said was, "No twins," and walked off. FML

#21466320
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23144) - you deserved it (4076)

On 09/08/2015 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by Doesn't Matter Had Sex - United States (Missouri)



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