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FMLs submitted from Mississippi

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

#16908147
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10116) - you deserved it (77752)

On 06/29/2011 at 10:55am - misc - by ashleyrae (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my back hurt really badly, so I decided to stay in bed. After a while, I sat up to shut the door. When I leaned over to reach it, I fell off my bed and face-planted the floor. After picking myself up and getting comfortable in my bed again, I realized the door was still open. FML

#16746621
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26306) - you deserved it (9848)

On 06/19/2011 at 2:46pm - health - by no one - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I let my new puppy outside for the first time. When I went to get him, I saw a man running off with him. FML

#16651474
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44784) - you deserved it (11313)

On 06/13/2011 at 9:46pm - misc - by robertsonjimmy - United States (Mississippi)

Today, it was the last day of school. My students shared what they thought of me. Expecting to hear wonderful things, all of their complaints can be summed up in a few words: I'm a liar, a killer of dreams, I need to grow up, and I was a big disappointment to them. I'm a first-year teacher. FML

#16425645
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29174) - you deserved it (13060)

On 05/30/2011 at 9:59pm - work - by sashimieater - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

#16221973
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48656) - you deserved it (25529)

On 05/17/2011 at 1:34pm - money - by anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I got married. My sister and father could not attend because they already had plans. My sister went to the mall with her friends, and my dad went to a pool party. FML

#15949652
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49412) - you deserved it (4146)

On 04/27/2011 at 3:03pm - misc - by disfunctionalfamily (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was cooking, and I took a pot of boiling water to the sink to drain. My pot holder slipped, and the boiling water spilled all over my breasts. Second degree boob burns are bad, but losing half a nipple to potato salad is worse. FML

#15526223
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40272) - you deserved it (4116)

On 03/28/2011 at 2:42am - health - by ouchmytits - United States (Mississippi)

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I had the pleasure of meeting my girlfriend's mother for the very first time. She walked in on me in the bathroom; I'd completely lost focus and fallen asleep while taking a shit. FML

#14326550
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12863) - you deserved it (23207)

On 12/24/2010 at 6:49pm - love - by Username - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I realized I was happy because we finally started having friends come visit us after months of not having company. I also realized that our secret stash of money was stolen last night while we had company. FML

#13439777
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23367) - you deserved it (3862)

On 10/13/2010 at 10:25pm - money - by robbed (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was very sick with a stomach virus, so I went to the only doctor's office open on Sundays. Even though I was feeling like a pile of shit, I waited for a woman who was walking in behind me to hold the door open for her. She was the last patient they could take for the day. FML

#7270960
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30329) - you deserved it (2700)

On 01/11/2010 at 12:19am - health - by Gentleman (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a box of chocolates for Christmas. I thought it was sweet until I noticed the heart drawn on the back. It's the same box of chocolates I gave him for Christmas. Christmas last year. FML

#6933650
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28378) - you deserved it (2714)

On 12/25/2009 at 2:04am - love - by HeSucks (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my boyfriend and I were using our skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML

#6806655
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7267) - you deserved it (19768)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:25am - intimacy - by Jssceli09 (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I come home to find that my dog has taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He also took a dump in my house shoe. FML

#6787921
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28087) - you deserved it (4235)

On 12/17/2009 at 1:09am - animals - by life_suxxx - United States (Mississippi)



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