FMLs submitted from Mississippi

Today, I texted my boyfriend a few dirty messages at lunch time and told him how badly I wanted him home. He texted back lecturing me on how I shouldn't be so drunk so early. I was totally sober, but now I need a drink. FML

by fun in functioning, I suppose / 01/20/2015 at 2:54pm / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy

Today, I wanted to surprise my roommate by picking her up from class with her dog. Her dog decided to surprise me by dumping a load on my passenger seat. FML

by surprise / 01/15/2015 at 3:30pm / United States (Mississippi) / Animals

Today, I knocked over and broke one of two very expensive wine bottles. As I was using the mop to clean it up, the handle knocked over and broke the other. FML

by ojskyguy / 10/11/2014 at 7:04pm / United States (Mississippi) / Money

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2014 at 12:47am / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

by confidence taken / 08/23/2014 at 2:26am / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of a couple of weeks mixed up my name with his ex wife's name. After he said it, he looked at me and said, "You knew it was going to happen." FML

by thatsnotmyname / 07/02/2014 at 11:12pm / United States (Mississippi) / Love

Today, I'm a college student working at Dollar Tree. The signs hanging every 10 ft, plastered on every box, every wall, every corner, say "Everything's $1." Someone asked me how much something was, because there was no price tag. This happens multiple times a day. FML

by E.B. / 06/26/2014 at 8:07pm / United States (Mississippi) / Work

Today, I've been without hot water for three days thanks to a frozen water line. I finally managed to thaw the frozen area, only to have the chunk of ice dislodge, slam into a bend in the pipe, and burst the line. FML

by IceQueen / 01/31/2014 at 7:40pm / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

by OvertonHippie / 01/13/2014 at 7:09am / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML

by wheezy / 12/03/2013 at 12:28pm / United States (Mississippi) / Health

Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2013 at 2:47pm / United States (Mississippi) / Kids

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

by lbg2msf / 11/06/2013 at 1:08pm / United States (Mississippi) / Animals

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML

by anna / 10/31/2013 at 2:27pm / United States (Mississippi) / Kids