Today, after I bathed my nine month old, I laid her on my bed to grab a diaper. I turned around to see that she'd peed on my comforter. I then put her in her playpen to put my cover in the wash. I came back into the room to get her, and saw she'd taken off her diaper. She'd crapped in her playpen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15974) - you totally deserved it (4782)
On 11/04/2009 at 8:23pm - kids - by raebay (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly... and says "Who's a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson's voice. FML
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On 09/30/2009 at 4:28am - intimacy - by homersgirl (man) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I was arguing with one of my professors. She said that all married couples fight and I told her that my parents have never argued or fought about anything. When I got home my parents told me that they're getting a divorce. FML
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On 09/16/2009 at 4:38am - misc - by omgstfuplz (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I said yes and he gave me an engagement ring. He immediately went to call his mom to tell her the happy news. After the phone call, he asked if he could return the ring because his mom needed money. FML
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On 09/07/2009 at 6:08pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, my 26th birthday party got busted by my parents due to them coming home early because of a flight cancellation. Everyone had to leave, but not before my mother made me go to my room. FML
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On 09/05/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by joeshmoe (man) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I grabbed the nearest plastic bag in my bedroom when my boyfriend and I left for Wal-Mart so I could return a pair of shorts. When the cashier dumped the contents of the bag onto the counter at customer service, my shorts and a used condom fell out. It was the longest return of my life. FML
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On 08/16/2009 at 2:51pm - intimacy - by lolreturn (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML
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On 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by piratequeen (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke. My face turned red and tears began welling up in my eyes. Two of my coworkers were there. They began to argue over who would have to give me the heimlich maneuver rather than helping. FML
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On 07/28/2009 at 12:11am - health - by swaiteATC (man) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, my mom's car broke down after leaving the movies. We were waiting on a corner for my dad when a cop pulled up to us. He started to arrest me and my mom for "soliciting sex." Even a cop thinks my mom dresses like a hooker. FML
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On 06/23/2009 at 2:04am - intimacy - by MIWLF (man) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML
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On 06/15/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by bronzemedal97 (man) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I was at a party. The music changed to a slow dance. Everybody grabbed a partner and I was left on the dancefloor alone. Suddenly, this guy walks up to me. I swore that he was going to ask me to dance. He then says: "Could you hold me my drink?" and goes to dance with another girl. FML
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On 06/07/2009 at 9:36pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I was getting off of work, talking to my boss and I asked if I could get a ride home, since my usual ride was too lazy to come get me. He said, sure, but to be really careful since he just had his car detailed. I was getting in the car, tripped and threw my hot cocoa all inside of his car. FML
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On 05/26/2009 at 8:18am - work - by Leo_RxXx (man) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, my mother called me a bad son for not telling her "Happy Mother's Day". When I told her Mother's Day wasn't until the 10th, she proceeded to tell me that I would have forgotten anyway. FML
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On 05/08/2009 at 2:14pm - misc - by Aisu (man) - United States (Mississippi)
