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FMLs submitted from Minnesota

Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML

#4384243
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51214) - you deserved it (5609)

On 08/08/2009 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by pear8head (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

#4299524
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21449) - you deserved it (43061)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

#3924296
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48095) - you deserved it (3228)

On 07/21/2009 at 4:49am - misc - by nottananny (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

#3899326
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37031) - you deserved it (12150)

On 07/20/2009 at 3:10am - love - by TheOtherWoman (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML

#3856555
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53193) - you deserved it (3672)

On 07/18/2009 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said "Please stop singing in the shower. You're terrible, and everyone in the building can hear you." FML

#3528361
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40196) - you deserved it (14597)

On 07/06/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by WhitneyHouston (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married". FML

#3447565
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57179) - you deserved it (4662)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:24am - love - by hannaholic (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my daughter asked me what is the youngest age at which you should start having sex. Being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML

#3344863
475 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75582) - you deserved it (13657)

On 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm - intimacy - by blazer - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while working at a fast food restaurant, I stayed a little overtime to help my manager with dishes. A kid pooped in the slide in the playground area attached to the restaurant itself. I'm the smallest one there. I had to crawl UP the slide to find and clean the poop. FML

#3228837
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42763) - you deserved it (3526)

On 06/26/2009 at 1:43am - work - by donezo (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was flying home to Milwaukee after a weekend in South Carolina. When I got to the airport, my reservation didn't match up with any flights. Turns out Expedia booked me on a flight that doen't exist. I spent ten hours waiting in the airport for a two hour flight. FML

#2958799
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39752) - you deserved it (2913)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:02am - misc - by lojo (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I heard a baby crying while I was walking down the street. I walked around until I found it. In a dumpster. I immediately called the cops, completely freaking out. When the cops came, they pulled the baby out of the dumpster. It was a plastic baby doll. FML

#2524012
333 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46930) - you deserved it (23026)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:18am - kids - by failbaby (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I washed my face and grabbed the towel to dry it, I felt something moving down my forehead, thinking it was a drop of water. Upon looking in the mirror, I found it hadn't been a drop of water. Unless the water drop had legs and was gooey. FML

#2461249
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40016) - you deserved it (3693)

On 05/31/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. As part of my presents, my parents gave me prepaid debit card. When I got home, I looked at it again and realized it's the debit card you get from selling back books to our university bookstore. I bought my own books this year. They gave me my own refund. FML

#2039124
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44531) - you deserved it (2672)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)



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