FMLs submitted from Minnesota

Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML

by AprilFlowers / 12/01/2009 at 12:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to drive my mom's car for a change. It wouldn't start, so I open the hood. Someone had stolen the battery. I go to start my own car so I can drive to the police station to report the theft, and discover someone siphoned off my gas. FML

by bummer / 11/24/2009 at 7:44pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my dog to the vet because he hadn't eaten his food in three days, was drinking a lot of water, and was peeing a lot (all signs of antifreeze poisoning). I spent $200 at the vet to tell me that my dog is fine and just didn't like his current food. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2009 at 11:14am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

by nycplywood / 11/18/2009 at 4:01pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals

Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2009 at 3:05pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I ran outside to start my car before leaving for work. My creepy neighbor was sitting outside smoking a cigarette. He told me he just loves watching TLC, too, and we should watch TV together sometime. I've never talked to him. I watch TLC in my bedroom. He watches me through my window. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2009 at 11:01am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

by birdbath / 11/08/2009 at 2:26am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals

Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML

by z / 11/05/2009 at 12:20pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I totalled my car. I flipped it over on the freeway and broke my collarbone in the process. I was in extreme pain and unable to move. It took the ambulance an hour to get there in rush hour traffic. The song repeating on my iPod was, "Don't Worry, be Happy." FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2009 at 12:18am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I walked into work, and the first question my boss asks me is "Are those your pajamas?" I was wearing my favorite outfit. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2009 at 10:38pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, my dad had something to tell me. He'd cleaned out my bank account to pay off 38,000 dollars worth of gambling debt. My wedding is in 5 months. FML

by MadSon / 10/10/2009 at 10:59pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money

Today, I was at a local club with my friends sitting at a table when some guys approached us. One of them started telling me about his recent adventures through Europe and was very interesting. Something warm hit my leg and I realized the guy was urinating on me. FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents asked if they could borrow my car. Why? Because they were going to see someone about a Craig's List ad and wanted to look poor. FML

by poorcar / 10/05/2009 at 3:38am / United States (Minnesota) / Money