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FMLs submitted from Minnesota

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

#1683242
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57300) - you deserved it (19942)

On 05/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was running the 100m sprint in a track meet. Me and another girl were tied for dead last. When we finished, she complained, "It's so embarrassing how slow I am today. I have shin splints. What happened to you?" I was actually running my hardest. FML

#1217695
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49040) - you deserved it (6874)

On 04/22/2009 at 9:20am - misc - by slowrunner (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was playing and laughing with my new baby boy. He was giggling, and it was adorable. Out of nowhere I say "you're my favorite!". Now I'm sitting here talking to my two other children about how what I said earlier I didn't mean personally. They never want to talk to me again. FML

#1176288
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15643) - you deserved it (116894)

On 04/20/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by Damnlife123 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML

#894059
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10317) - you deserved it (70602)

On 04/09/2009 at 10:40pm - health - by clublulu (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was selling cookie dough for a fund raiser at an old folks home. One lady ordered a box and told me that she loved cookie dough. I told her it'd be here in 4 weeks, she said "Oh I can't wait!". Not really thinking, as I left I said, "I hope you can make it till then!". FML

#891660
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10359) - you deserved it (61372)

On 04/09/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by phatkroger10 (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

#879478
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65152) - you deserved it (8521)

On 04/08/2009 at 11:43pm - animals - by BadBreath (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML

#853459
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58359) - you deserved it (7362)

On 04/07/2009 at 2:12pm - misc - by saltynutz20 (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was on my way to meet some friends for lunch. As I was parking, one of their cell phones accidentally called mine. As I walked to the restaurant, I listened in as some of my best friends discussed all the things they hate about me. FML

Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML

#520285
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90445) - you deserved it (32906)

On 03/21/2009 at 10:38pm - love - by clementine_k (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML

#339773
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (118133) - you deserved it (7846)

On 03/15/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by Alexa23 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, before a big formal banquet, I went tanning because I wanted to look good in my cocktail dress. I got out of the tanning bed only to realize that I had left my socks on. FML

#109739
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9551) - you deserved it (49891)

On 02/22/2009 at 11:09pm - misc - by Sh.H (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying 'Come over and do me.' He never responded. FML

#21094
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42661) - you deserved it (10608)

On 02/10/2009 at 3:46pm - love - by noneofthesex (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I realized it's been 5 days since my boyfriend last answered the phone when I called. Two weeks ago, he told me he used to break up with his girlfriends in a very juvenile way. He doesn't answer their phone calls. FML

#6332
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29609) - you deserved it (2561)

On 02/03/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by Ginger (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



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