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FMLs submitted from Minnesota

Today, my friend snuck up on me and yelled, "Gotcha!" I screamed and dropped a gallon of blood-red paint on my new, white kitchen floor. Now it looks like I've murdered someone in my kitchen. FML

#4876384
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39986) - you deserved it (4012)

On 08/28/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by kitchencrime (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, for the first time, I hugged the man I have been in love with for four years. It was a congratulatory hug at his wedding to my best friend. FML

#4874112
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55475) - you deserved it (13013)

On 08/28/2009 at 12:23am - love - by itrustedsnapeallalong (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while I was in the doctors they told me that me and my son needed a shot, I went first to show my son that it wouldnt hurt and shots were not something to be afraid of. When they gave me my shot I started crying. My four year old son handles pain better than his 29 year old mom. FML

#4548523
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12596) - you deserved it (36173)

On 08/15/2009 at 1:06pm - kids - by wimp (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML

#4503474
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11304) - you deserved it (130083)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:47pm - health - by Nick (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML

#4384243
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47996) - you deserved it (5304)

On 08/08/2009 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by pear8head (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

#4299524
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20050) - you deserved it (41282)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

#3924296
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45528) - you deserved it (3022)

On 07/21/2009 at 4:49am - misc - by nottananny (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

#3899326
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34380) - you deserved it (11463)

On 07/20/2009 at 3:10am - love - by TheOtherWoman (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML

#3856555
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51067) - you deserved it (3495)

On 07/18/2009 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said "Please stop singing in the shower. You're terrible, and everyone in the building can hear you." FML

#3528361
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37787) - you deserved it (13956)

On 07/06/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by WhitneyHouston (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married". FML

#3447565
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54290) - you deserved it (4424)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:24am - love - by hannaholic (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my daughter asked me what is the youngest age at which you should start having sex. Being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML

#3344863
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71572) - you deserved it (12552)

On 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm - intimacy - by blazer - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while working at a fast food restaurant, I stayed a little overtime to help my manager with dishes. A kid pooped in the slide in the playground area attached to the restaurant itself. I'm the smallest one there. I had to crawl UP the slide to find and clean the poop. FML

#3228837
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39829) - you deserved it (3240)

On 06/26/2009 at 1:43am - work - by donezo (man) - United States (Minnesota)



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