Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Minnesota

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

#3924296
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45455) - you deserved it (3018)

On 07/21/2009 at 4:49am - misc - by nottananny (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

#3899326
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34306) - you deserved it (11453)

On 07/20/2009 at 3:10am - love - by TheOtherWoman (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML

#3856555
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49902) - you deserved it (3385)

On 07/18/2009 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said "Please stop singing in the shower. You're terrible, and everyone in the building can hear you." FML

#3528361
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37731) - you deserved it (13937)

On 07/06/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by WhitneyHouston (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married". FML

#3447565
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54202) - you deserved it (4416)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:24am - love - by hannaholic (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my daughter asked me what is the youngest age at which you should start having sex. Being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML

#3344863
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71458) - you deserved it (12525)

On 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm - intimacy - by blazer - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while working at a fast food restaurant, I stayed a little overtime to help my manager with dishes. A kid pooped in the slide in the playground area attached to the restaurant itself. I'm the smallest one there. I had to crawl UP the slide to find and clean the poop. FML

#3228837
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39772) - you deserved it (3233)

On 06/26/2009 at 1:43am - work - by donezo (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was flying home to Milwaukee after a weekend in South Carolina. When I got to the airport, my reservation didn't match up with any flights. Turns out Expedia booked me on a flight that doen't exist. I spent ten hours waiting in the airport for a two hour flight. FML

#2958799
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36666) - you deserved it (2678)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:02am - misc - by lojo (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I heard a baby crying while I was walking down the street. I walked around until I found it. In a dumpster. I immediately called the cops, completely freaking out. When the cops came, they pulled the baby out of the dumpster. It was a plastic baby doll. FML

#2524012
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43983) - you deserved it (21817)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:18am - kids - by failbaby (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I washed my face and grabbed the towel to dry it, I felt something moving down my forehead, thinking it was a drop of water. Upon looking in the mirror, I found it hadn't been a drop of water. Unless the water drop had legs and was gooey. FML

#2461249
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37136) - you deserved it (3454)

On 05/31/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. As part of my presents, my parents gave me prepaid debit card. When I got home, I looked at it again and realized it's the debit card you get from selling back books to our university bookstore. I bought my own books this year. They gave me my own refund. FML

#2039124
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41456) - you deserved it (2424)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, for my birthday, I got a Big Mac. FML

#2019418
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60848) - you deserved it (8816)

On 05/17/2009 at 4:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML

#1957441
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41328) - you deserved it (2352)

On 05/15/2009 at 3:20am - work - by RunningMurphy (man) - United States (Minnesota)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: