Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML
I agree, your life sucks (51917) - you deserved it (18233)
On 05/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was running the 100m sprint in a track meet. Me and another girl were tied for dead last. When we finished, she complained, "It's so embarrassing how slow I am today. I have shin splints. What happened to you?" I was actually running my hardest. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42330) - you deserved it (5242)
On 04/22/2009 at 9:20am - misc - by slowrunner (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was playing and laughing with my new baby boy. He was giggling, and it was adorable. Out of nowhere I say "you're my favorite!". Now I'm sitting here talking to my two other children about how what I said earlier I didn't mean personally. They never want to talk to me again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11430) - you deserved it (102694)
On 04/20/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by Damnlife123 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8594) - you deserved it (64602)
On 04/09/2009 at 10:40pm - health - by clublulu (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was selling cookie dough for a fund raiser at an old folks home. One lady ordered a box and told me that she loved cookie dough. I told her it'd be here in 4 weeks, she said "Oh I can't wait!". Not really thinking, as I left I said, "I hope you can make it till then!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (8271) - you deserved it (55401)
On 04/09/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by phatkroger10 (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57779) - you deserved it (6630)
On 04/08/2009 at 11:43pm - animals - by BadBreath (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53033) - you deserved it (6811)
On 04/07/2009 at 2:12pm - misc - by saltynutz20 (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was on my way to meet some friends for lunch. As I was parking, one of their cell phones accidentally called mine. As I walked to the restaurant, I listened in as some of my best friends discussed all the things they hate about me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71676) - you deserved it (3403)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I went out for coffee with a guy I really like. We met up at the local café, and decided to sit at a counter in front of the window. We talked and flirted for a while. Then he kissed me, and while he was kissing me someone banged on the window. It was my parents. They didn't know I'm gay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77219) - you deserved it (25535)
On 03/21/2009 at 10:38pm - love - by clementine_k (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML
I agree, your life sucks (102032) - you deserved it (6482)
On 03/15/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by Alexa23 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, before a big formal banquet, I went tanning because I wanted to look good in my cocktail dress. I got out of the tanning bed only to realize that I had left my socks on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7626) - you deserved it (41874)
On 02/22/2009 at 11:09pm - misc - by Sh.H (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying 'Come over and do me.' He never responded. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36522) - you deserved it (8700)
On 02/10/2009 at 3:46pm - love - by noneofthesex (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I realized it's been 5 days since my boyfriend last answered the phone when I called. Two weeks ago, he told me he used to break up with his girlfriends in a very juvenile way. He doesn't answer their phone calls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23748) - you deserved it (1898)
On 02/03/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by Ginger (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Monday 17 June 2013
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