FMLs submitted from Minnesota

Today, I went into a public bathroom and walked in on a guy checking his butt out in the mirror to see if he'd wiped properly. FML

by Bobby ray slice / 08/21/2011 at 8:03pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML

by Kurochrome / 07/18/2011 at 1:09am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML

by IAmACoolCat / 07/05/2011 at 12:41pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML

by ugh annoying / 07/01/2011 at 3:41am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided I was done waiting for my boyfriend to ask me to marry him, so we were cuddling in his bed and I asked him. He asked for a rain check. FML

by brokenbabe / 06/21/2011 at 10:38pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after a long and tiring day at work, I went to the movies, loaded up on soda, popcorn, and candy. I ended up falling asleep and being woken up two hours later by an usher. FML

by Stormy / 06/18/2011 at 5:49pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money

Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life. He's been moonlighting for two years as a male prostitute by the name of Peter Parker. FML

by Mom / 06/11/2011 at 1:25pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, I learned the hard way that yes, a fork can get stuck in your braces. FML

by 8sq / 06/10/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I had to give a 63 year old man a shot. He started bawling before I even brought out the needle. I tried to get him calm down. Then he grabbed the needle, threw it at me and ran out the door. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2011 at 11:05pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, at 11 weeks pregnant, I excitedly told my best friend that my baby now has fingernails. Her response was, "You're beginning to sound like a pro-life bumper sticker." FML

by CRH / 05/03/2011 at 11:41am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I had an allergic reaction to cranberry juice. The only reason I was drinking cranberry juice was to help with a bladder infection. Now I'm covered in what looks like a rash and peeing constantly. FML

by Arghh / 04/13/2011 at 9:34am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML

by nosleeptilpissoff / 03/18/2011 at 11:54am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals