Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Minnesota

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

#21281851
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22217) - you deserved it (1543)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:04pm - work - by Bartender - United States (Minnesota)

Today, marks yet again another day that I've been asked if I'm autistic. No, that's just my Korean accent. Apparently I look "too white" to have one. FML

#21265402
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31009) - you deserved it (2258)

On 09/25/2014 at 9:15pm - misc - by notautistic - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

#21262936
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37494) - you deserved it (4555)

On 09/22/2014 at 2:45am - health - by thebrokentardis (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was checking my schedule online and noticed that I wasn't scheduled for any shifts next week. Not thinking it was a big deal, I called HR to get it corrected, only to find out I was laid off and they "forgot" to tell me. FML

#21254078
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37129) - you deserved it (2133)

On 09/07/2014 at 10:31pm - work - by soontobehobo (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I heard back from a company that I recently interviewed with. They told me I didn't get the job because "it was obvious that I had been coached." I wasn't. Sorry that I actually researched the company unlike the rest of the nit-wit candidates. FML

#21203575
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44381) - you deserved it (3347)

On 07/09/2014 at 1:02am - work - by jobless (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my girlfriend asked me where I've always wanted to settle down, and I told her that Italy had always appealed to me. She snorted and told me what a bad idea that was, because "you don't speak French". FML

Today, at my all-night senior party, I was talking to the blind girl who I haven't had classes with since 9th grade. I unthinkingly opened the conversation with "Nice to see you again." FML

#21167586
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37934) - you deserved it (8907)

On 06/08/2014 at 10:17pm - misc - by It'd be nice to see you too. - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mother-in-law came over for dinner. She decided to salt the food I was preparing without even tasting it first, then complained at dinner that I'd used too much salt. She then lectured me on the proper seasoning of food for the rest of the evening. FML

#21150425
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45044) - you deserved it (3753)

On 05/24/2014 at 5:20pm - misc - by NaCl - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML

#21142829
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33480) - you deserved it (16606)

On 05/17/2014 at 12:02pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at work, I served a group of three teens. Their tab was $75 and they tipped me nothing. They wrote a thank you on a piece of receipt paper, put it in a glass of water and used a coaster to turn the glass of water upside down on the table, spilling water everywhere. They also stole my pen. FML

#21125158
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49670) - you deserved it (3984)

On 04/28/2014 at 9:35am - work - by brerj09 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

#21088838
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35601) - you deserved it (3676)

On 03/17/2014 at 5:51am - kids - by BondingTime - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend asked me if we were going to become "that stupid couple that sings cheesy songs to each other." I just spent the past 3 months writing the perfect song that I was planning on singing to him tonight. FML

#21086140
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40790) - you deserved it (7378)

On 03/13/2014 at 11:36pm - love - by wabbyfish (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: