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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, while I was leaving the grocery store, I realized my ignition key was missing from my pocket. After searching the car and retracing my steps, I walked all the way home. Later, when we went to retrieve the car, the key was sitting in plain sight on the passenger seat. FML

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

#20062989
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21131) - you deserved it (4585)

On 09/08/2012 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

#20057214
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22680) - you deserved it (3053)

On 09/04/2012 at 9:51am - misc - by UnknownOperation (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

#20054806
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17539) - you deserved it (1322)

On 09/02/2012 at 10:07pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was icing an injured foot with a frozen water bottle as the doctor directed me. When I was done, I picked the bottle up and immediately dropped it on the same injured foot, which is now swollen and bruised. FML

#20053572
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14459) - you deserved it (3621)

On 09/02/2012 at 2:27am - health - by CC - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finished my shopping at Costco, and realized I had forgotten where I had parked. After scouring the parking lot for 20 minutes, I called the police and filed a report for a stolen vehicle. I then remembered I had bought a new car yesterday and parked it right next to the entrance. FML

#20044345
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6224) - you deserved it (29143)

On 08/27/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by dgilbs - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband announced that he was fed up with us being known as the neighborhood slobs, and prepared to take down all the Christmas decorations still up from last year. He then decided it was too much effort, and that he'd leave them up to give us a three month head-start. FML

#20030388
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11785) - you deserved it (4142)

On 08/19/2012 at 6:28pm - misc - by i believe in shaq (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while on vacation with my family, my mother told me to put my phone in her purse, so it wouldn't get stolen. Someone stole her purse. FML

#20026393
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19645) - you deserved it (1696)

On 08/17/2012 at 12:45pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, while I was taking my driver's test, my instructor received a text message. He promptly had a panic attack and screamed for me to pull over. It turned out his wife wanted a divorce. The last 15 minutes of my test consisted of him sobbing to himself as I drove back to the DMV. FML

#20024961
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22721) - you deserved it (1415)

On 08/16/2012 at 6:36pm - misc - by Samantha (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, a girl told me she couldn't text me anymore, because she was too tired and had to sleep. Over the next three hours, she updated her Facebook and Twitter accounts, and made a YouTube video of herself singing. FML

#19994423
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20349) - you deserved it (4078)

On 07/31/2012 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I learned that if you go through your best friend's phone, you can find sexy texts and nude pictures between him and your girlfriend. FML

#19990134
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29116) - you deserved it (3992)

On 07/29/2012 at 1:27am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my daughter tried to sneak out of the house. When I caught her, she freaked out and punched me in the face. She then "snapped out of it" and claimed she was sleepwalking. FML

#19842330
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23767) - you deserved it (3132)

On 06/25/2012 at 12:08am - kids - by abbielane - United States (Michigan)

Today, I laughed when I shouldn't have and am probably fired. What happened? My boss asked me if birds were reptiles. I thought he was kidding. FML

#19817734
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19920) - you deserved it (2270)

On 06/20/2012 at 8:46am - work - by notanidiot - United States (Michigan)



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