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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

#20782409
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52664) - you deserved it (3463)

On 07/14/2013 at 4:08pm - love - by WTF (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

#20772363
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46061) - you deserved it (5150)

On 07/09/2013 at 1:11pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, not only do I work as a garbage man, but I had to pick up a used, bloody tampon that someone decided to throw on the ground rather than in a garbage can. FML

#20768438
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49394) - you deserved it (4658)

On 07/07/2013 at 9:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55039) - you deserved it (7750)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

#20765643
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43205) - you deserved it (4699)

On 07/05/2013 at 5:59pm - misc - by -_- (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that my creepy neighbor paid a guy to install a camera in my bathroom. It's been there for three months. The guy he paid? My brother. FML

#20741960
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52353) - you deserved it (2992)

On 06/23/2013 at 12:37am - misc - by part time all the time - United States (Michigan)

Today, while working at my job at a nursing home, I slipped and fell. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just water. No, one of the residents had just had an "accident". FML

#20740385
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42680) - you deserved it (3482)

On 06/22/2013 at 3:20am - work - by no name - United States (Michigan)

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

#20731352
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69031) - you deserved it (3960)

On 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by hinting (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my best friend called me a moron for disputing her belief that Canada is in South America. FML

#20729679
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43886) - you deserved it (3881)

On 06/16/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by not a brain cell in sight (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML

Today, I found out my boyfriend is bringing his friends on our trip. I'm now the third wheel on the romantic trip we've planned for a year. FML

#20705634
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52182) - you deserved it (4458)

On 06/04/2013 at 3:11pm - love - by TheThirdWheel - United States (Michigan)

Today, we had a get together for work at a restaurant I've never heard of. After spending all week trying to make a good impression on my new boss and co-workers, I showed up in a pair of shorts and a Star Wars T-Shirt. Turns out it was one of the fanciest restaurants in town. FML

#20695797
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19119) - you deserved it (47859)

On 05/30/2013 at 6:32pm - work - by Lizzie - United States (Michigan)

Today, my workplace was issued aprons. I then became the first and only employee in the history of the business to set an apron on fire while using the grill. FML

#20693953
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33116) - you deserved it (5301)

On 05/29/2013 at 8:51pm - work - by CheesyCasey - United States (Michigan)



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