FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2015 at 2:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

by natashamilan / 02/25/2015 at 8:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

by Fuck / 02/25/2015 at 4:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my boss refused to give me vacation time for my wedding and honeymoon because she didn't have a honeymoon and because of that apparently neither should I. FML

by bingalingading / 02/11/2015 at 8:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend "accidentally" had sex with my roommate. FML

by itsemilyc / 02/02/2015 at 2:34pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML

by wtf / 01/30/2015 at 4:00am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I found out that the guy I've been sleeping with is my mom's gynecologist. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2015 at 2:18pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, while breast feeding my 7 month old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML

by ameliaruth09 / 01/22/2015 at 5:36pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I made a joke that my boyfriend was going to end up sending me into premature labor. Later, I went into labor for real. My boyfriend thought I was faking and refused to take me to the hospital. FML

by unsuspectingmom / 01/22/2015 at 6:32am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I babysat an 11 year old kid while his parents ate out. As soon as they left, the kid asked me if I wanted to be on the sex offender's list. Before I could even process that, he told me to stay out of his way and he wouldn't accuse me of anything. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2015 at 6:57am / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, my parents threatened to take away my college funds. Why? Because I complained about my 10 pm curfew during break as a freshman in college. FML

by sophiae123 / 01/17/2015 at 10:50pm / United States (Michigan) / Money

Today, I went to take a piss in a public bathroom. Somehow, I managed to completely jam the lock. After minutes of trying to get myself out, I gave up and crawled under the stall, at which point someone walked in and was very surprised to see me on the floor. FML

by downinthedumps / 01/12/2015 at 9:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my sister licking all of the silverware and putting it back in the drawer. FML

by awkwardpineapples / 01/07/2015 at 10:13pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids