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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, I went to take a piss in a public bathroom. Somehow, I managed to completely jam the lock. After minutes of trying to get myself out, I gave up and crawled under the stall, at which point someone walked in and was very surprised to see me on the floor. FML

#21336053
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27502) - you deserved it (3161)

On 01/12/2015 at 9:47pm - misc - by downinthedumps - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found my sister licking all of the silverware and putting it back in the drawer. FML

#21332979
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31283) - you deserved it (2455)

On 01/07/2015 at 10:13pm - misc - by awkwardpineapples - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was working out on a horse farm. I slipped and fell on some ice, whacking my head on the metal gate in the process. As I was getting up, I accidentally grabbed the electric fence. FML

Today, my fiancée and I were making plans for our wedding when my soon-to-be mother-in-law chimed in with, "You know, she can still get out of this. I got the dress for her but we can save it for the next guy." I'm not sure if she's joking or not. FML

#21329587
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30063) - you deserved it (2341)

On 01/02/2015 at 8:46pm - love - by bingalingading (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my sister compared me handling the news of recently being told that I have a devastating and very possibly fatal autoimmune disease, to that of a teenager being melodramatic. FML

#21329069
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35337) - you deserved it (2706)

On 01/02/2015 at 12:37am - health - by Sisterly Love - United States (Michigan)

Today, I called asking about a job I interviewed for 3 weeks ago. It's a scummy call center where known drug addicts work. They told me I wasn't getting the job. I guess my high school diploma and being drug-free makes me not good enough to work there. FML

Today, I was trying to show my family a cool website. Unfortunately my porn instincts kicked in and I started typing the URL of my favorite porn site. I couldn't stop myself before it autocompleted. FML

#21324815
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14982) - you deserved it (36903)

On 12/26/2014 at 5:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out my girlfriend and all of our friends have begun referring to the time I was meant to lose my virginity, but couldn't get hard, as the "cheese stick incident." They all think it's hilarious, and the worst part is that it's actually a pretty appropriate description. FML

#21319860
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34559) - you deserved it (4721)

On 12/18/2014 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, as I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, she started doing stupidly fake moaning, which then went really high-pitched like a little girl's, killing my hard-on. She says she thought that because I'm Japanese-American, I'd only be able to cum if she copied "those Japanese pornstars". FML

#21317298
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42386) - you deserved it (4849)

On 12/14/2014 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by dating a moron (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out I have sodium fluoride poisoning. Apparently, my water has a high level of sodium fluorine. I've been drinking much more water lately trying to be healthier. FML

#21313951
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32362) - you deserved it (2631)

On 12/08/2014 at 6:23pm - health - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I injured my knee during dance class. When it started to feel a little bit better, I tried dancing again. I tripped, fell, and broke my wrist. FML

#21311641
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29153) - you deserved it (5663)

On 12/04/2014 at 8:54pm - health - by dumb dancer - United States (Michigan)

Today, I farted while asking a girl out to dinner. FML

#21306727
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33597) - you deserved it (6973)

On 11/27/2014 at 10:13am - love - by fart - United States (Michigan)

Today, what few friends I have won't talk to me anymore. My ex told them she dumped me because I abused her. I never abused her. What really happened is that she dumped me in a rage after I refused to give her money for drugs. Nobody's even asked for my side of the story. FML

#21306153
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39595) - you deserved it (2666)

On 11/26/2014 at 11:42am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)



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