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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

#20906275
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34934) - you deserved it (29523)

On 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Kyra.45 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the person I've been trying so hard to get with wrote me a beautiful poem that almost everyone at my school saw and liked. It was about how we'd never be together. FML

#20904440
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45135) - you deserved it (3914)

On 10/02/2013 at 8:17am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was working the night shift when a guy came in smelling like alcohol. He kept muttering his order, so I leaned over the register to hear him better. My ear now smells of vomit. FML

#20897734
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37696) - you deserved it (4056)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:18am - work - by ihatethisjob - United States (Michigan)

Today, the creepy kid on the bus saved me a seat again. Thinking he wanted to be friends, I followed him on twitter. He was doing a live video feed so I checked it out. It was of me. FML

Today, I texted my girlfriend a long heartfelt loving message for our 2-year anniversary. Her reply was just "K." FML

#20892986
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46594) - you deserved it (6055)

On 09/23/2013 at 1:53pm - love - by User (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my grandma threw away my clear retainer thinking it was plastic from packaging. She has done this three times now. They cost 300 dollars to replace. FML

Today, I pulled my motorcycle into a wheelie when my crush drove by. She was the one who drove me to the hospital when I went over backward. FML

#20878799
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19123) - you deserved it (47837)

On 09/12/2013 at 9:11pm - misc - by Robert - United States (Michigan)

Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML

#20870423
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21262) - you deserved it (42421)

On 09/06/2013 at 5:23pm - work - by howprofessional (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out my grandfather died via Facebook, because apparently both my father and my aunt think posting a status about it immediately rather than calling family is the thing to do. FML

#20869986
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43539) - you deserved it (2497)

On 09/06/2013 at 8:10am - misc - by theblackrose23 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML

#20867437
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40273) - you deserved it (3139)

On 09/04/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by lostinspace (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML

#20859311
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52870) - you deserved it (5910)

On 08/29/2013 at 2:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, someone took my flatscreen TV at my garage sale because some kid snuck a "free" label onto it. FML

#20855061
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41956) - you deserved it (5562)

On 08/26/2013 at 12:45pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML

#20840692
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46977) - you deserved it (19378)

On 08/16/2013 at 6:21pm - money - by JacksWag4 (man) - United States (Michigan)



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