Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16492) - you deserved it (1496)
On 04/05/2012 at 1:11am - intimacy - by Lionman (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, while at work, I found a dead dog in a freezer. Turns out it's been in there for over 3 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19664) - you deserved it (1295)
On 04/03/2012 at 11:27pm - animals - by Scarred (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8065) - you deserved it (10794)
On 03/28/2012 at 8:00am - health - by hikari_chan_xo - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18887) - you deserved it (4392)
On 03/22/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I asked my mom if she could buy me some anti-nausea medicine. She said, "You just have a stomach ache. It's not like you're throwing up." As she said it, I threw up everything but my childhood memories. She still wouldn't get any medicine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18486) - you deserved it (1613)
On 03/19/2012 at 3:20pm - health - by Shleebs (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18229) - you deserved it (2546)
On 03/18/2012 at 8:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was boarding a plane and a woman's bag started to fall. In the spur of the moment I thrust my arm up to catch it. I didn't catch the bag, but I did catch her boob. I had to sit next to her for the rest of the flight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17338) - you deserved it (1975)
On 03/08/2012 at 11:45pm - misc - by babymine - United States (Michigan)
Today, my girlfriend was complaining of being stressed, so I mentioned having heard that sex relieves a lot of that build up of stress. She replied, "I think I'd rather stay stressed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20779) - you deserved it (5218)
On 03/07/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by RZ (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I started crying in class because of a sad part in the book I was reading. I got pulled out into the hallway and my male teacher asked, "Is it your special time?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25488) - you deserved it (5910)
On 02/29/2012 at 3:21pm - misc - by Crying - United States (Michigan)
Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15184) - you deserved it (2282)
On 01/28/2012 at 12:09pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23378) - you deserved it (2445)
On 01/27/2012 at 5:03pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Today, I didn't have plans on shaving my pubic hair. My girlfriend's braces thought otherwise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13908) - you deserved it (24728)
On 01/24/2012 at 3:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know..." and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19804) - you deserved it (1287)
On 01/20/2012 at 8:21pm - misc - by shellski (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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