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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

#21177000
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58661) - you deserved it (4140)

On 06/16/2014 at 5:38pm - kids - by FirstDaddy (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML

#21147101
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48142) - you deserved it (11789)

On 05/21/2014 at 7:05am - love - by Alone - United States (Michigan)

Today, the creepy kid who sits behind me in English class decided that sniffing my hair wasn't disturbing enough for his liking, so he tried something new: popping one of the pimples on my neck. When I reacted in horror, all he could say was, "It looked pretty..." FML

#21134831
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47083) - you deserved it (4319)

On 05/09/2014 at 1:24pm - love - by WTTFFFF (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML

#21134153
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16582) - you deserved it (67506)

On 05/08/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend, and I cheekily told him about something I'd read that's supposed to feel really good during sex. I then heard his sister sarcastically say, "Yeah, that does feel pretty good". Apparently he'd had me on speaker the whole time. FML

#21126318
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46037) - you deserved it (8373)

On 04/29/2014 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while I was waiting for the bus, I was whistling. I saw a cute girl running and I looked at my phone so it didn't seem too awkward. I was still whistling as she passed by so it sounded like I whistled at her. She ran back to slap me. FML

#21113376
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38703) - you deserved it (6690)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:24am - misc - by heycutie - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML

#21107057
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42424) - you deserved it (5334)

On 04/07/2014 at 7:39pm - love - by AlonsoKold - United States (Michigan)

Today, the girl I've been dating dumped me after she found out I'm originally from Alabama. Apparently she doesn't want to date someone from a "foreign country". We both live in Michigan. FML

#21098622
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40349) - you deserved it (3749)

On 03/28/2014 at 3:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the clock in the study lounge was off, so I was half-an-hour late to class. I was too embarrassed to walk in late, so I sat for the next half-hour with my ear against the door trying to hear the lecture. People stopped to ask if there was something wrong with me. Yeah, probably. FML

#21096550
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35132) - you deserved it (10404)

On 03/25/2014 at 11:31pm - work - by SocialAnxietySucks (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

#21095586
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38213) - you deserved it (2927)

On 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Vampprobs - United States (Michigan)

Today, my dad yelled at me for being irresponsible while he watched me fold his laundry. FML

#21094619
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36808) - you deserved it (3517)

On 03/23/2014 at 8:44pm - misc - by hannahg - United States (Michigan)

Today, my roommate's extremely loud and obnoxious alarm went off six times, waking me up each time, before she finally gave up on hitting the snooze button and went back to sleep for good. FML

#21089097
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35982) - you deserved it (3622)

On 03/17/2014 at 3:07pm - misc - by IMAWAKE - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked into my elderly client's home for my first day of work. I was immediately hit in the eye with something small, and had to get medical attention for a scratched cornea. It turns out my client likes to clip his toenails right by his front door. FML

#21088031
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38683) - you deserved it (3165)

On 03/16/2014 at 10:00am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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