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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

#142104
928 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66998) - you deserved it (403334)

On 02/26/2009 at 10:30am - work - by Noname - United States (Michigan)

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

#138318
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12904) - you deserved it (65486)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:01pm - intimacy - by banana (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

#122747
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15825) - you deserved it (43323)

On 02/24/2009 at 12:47pm - kids - by ripdivine (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I called the florist and ordered a flower arrangement for my grandma, who I was told was sick. I said I didn't know what to get her, so just to send her something nice. I got a call from my mom calling me an inconsiderate bastard. They sent my grandma forget-me-nots. She has Alzheimers. FML

#117948
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38749) - you deserved it (5940)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by Originality18 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was running by a school and saw that a deer had caught his antlers in the fence. I felt bad for it so I tried to help it free. Finally, he became unstuck. Then he rammed his antlers into my hip. Now I can't run in the marathon I have been training for a year to race in. FML

#117861
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53259) - you deserved it (10688)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:15pm - misc - by stoopidRUnner (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

#99894
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46297) - you deserved it (4882)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - misc - by isuckatlife (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend called me from a payphone because he lost his phone at the airport. When I texted his phone to get a response from someone who stole it [because it was still on whenever I called], I received a message back saying, "Love the pics. Send more ;]" FML

#77291
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30771) - you deserved it (7571)

On 02/19/2009 at 11:24am - misc - by Noname - United States (Michigan)

Today, I told the guy I have feelings for that I'm interested in, and asked him how he feels about it. He responded via text, saying, "I feel fairly neutral about that." FML

#26983
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24551) - you deserved it (3222)

On 02/11/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by iwantpizza69 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

#21834
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76156) - you deserved it (23621)

On 02/10/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by peacock_mina19 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was walking my son to school. After yelling at him for not looking where he's walking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. Not paying attention, I walked him right into a light pole. FML

#20511
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6060) - you deserved it (45716)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by EOJ (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, as my boyfriend was trying to convince me that he was not having an affair with another woman named Julie, he looked me in the eye and exclaimed, "I would never cheat on you, I love you more than anything, Julie". FML

#13222
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43394) - you deserved it (2480)

On 02/07/2009 at 11:41am - misc - by princesspea (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked past a man handing out miniature Bibles on my way to class. He handed me one, commenting "here, you look like you need this." FML

#8842
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19364) - you deserved it (3957)

On 02/04/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by Michigan (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

#7993
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19270) - you deserved it (37518)

On 02/04/2009 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Big B (man) - United States (Michigan)



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