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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, my friend and I were driving to Florida from Michigan. While going through Ohio my car hydroplaned over a puddle on the highway. I ended up hitting the median and my car got wrecked. Not only am I stuck in Ohio with a car that wont work, I got a ticket for $300 for hitting Ohio property. FML

#909253
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40666) - you deserved it (5833)

On 04/10/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by emie0209 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out he's my cousin: priceless. FML

Today, while lying next to me, my boyfriend smiled and told me, "I really like your eyes. They're pretty." He paused and then finished with, "They really help your face." FML

#901241
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50772) - you deserved it (3587)

On 04/10/2009 at 1:13pm - love - by ruvru - United States (Michigan)

Today, I came home expecting a surprise party. It was my birthday and I had overheard my friends planning it all week. Nobody was there. It turns out the party they were planning was for my friend's dog's birthday. FML

#884273
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62717) - you deserved it (4112)

On 04/09/2009 at 11:11am - misc - by sheryl_m (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML

#871042
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (110543) - you deserved it (5724)

On 04/08/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Crazy09 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

#834791
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60593) - you deserved it (5431)

On 04/06/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the 7 year old boy I was babysitting studied my upper lip and said "It's okay, my daddy won't let me shave yet either." I'm a girl. FML

#821314
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56152) - you deserved it (8204)

On 04/05/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by YAABOIII (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text telling me to turn the radio on to a certain station. When I did, there was a talk show on, and the host was ranting about how important it is for women to control themselves and not be emotional. My boyfriend continued texting me, asking if I was listening. FML

#776706
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52088) - you deserved it (13514)

On 04/03/2009 at 12:17am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before clocking in. Kris is a woman. FML

#766931
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64516) - you deserved it (3004)

On 04/02/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML

#726983
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (96620) - you deserved it (9138)

On 03/31/2009 at 4:47pm - kids - by poo_shoe123 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

#691341
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19678) - you deserved it (88288)

On 03/29/2009 at 10:08pm - animals - by trainE - United States (Michigan)

Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML

#622257
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95556) - you deserved it (8310)

On 03/26/2009 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by ThanksMom (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML

#621353
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61877) - you deserved it (31983)

On 03/26/2009 at 1:11pm - love - by johnfrank (man) - United States (Michigan)



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