FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, I worked a short shift at work, getting sent home early because it was slow. In the time I was gone, my family decided surprise me by rearranging my room and put in my new desk. They also surprised me when I learned that they'd spilled a slushie on my very expensive computer. FML

by welp / 12/27/2015 at 12:08am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my puppy went missing. I found him, unconscious but thankfully alive, in a taped-up box with no holes. My little brother eventually confessed to doing it because he wanted to sell my puppy on eBay. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2015 at 10:03am / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, while jailbreaking my dad's phone, I found out the hard way that it's jam-packed full of my mom's nudes. FML

by brokebackanus / 12/18/2015 at 9:15am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I started taking my anxiety meds. Without them I can't function because I'm constantly fighting off panic attacks, but with them I can't function because I get crippling headaches and heartburn and feel tired all the time. FML

by panicked headaches / 12/07/2015 at 2:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been having an affair with my childhood bully. FML

by ujellybro234 / 12/01/2015 at 11:52am / United States (Michigan) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I texted my friend asking if he'd like to join my "porno group". I meant promo. I quickly texted back correcting the mistake, but not before I received the nudes he sent. FML

by hiitisbrooke / 11/23/2015 at 3:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, it's been two weeks since I got married. It's also two weeks since my husband got cold feet about moving in together, because he thinks the sudden change would be too emotionally distressing for his cat. FML

by unimpressed bride / 11/22/2015 at 1:10am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I got my laptop back after lending it to my friend. It wouldn't boot, and after investigating I found out it'd been stripped of its hard drive and all its memory. When I confronted my "friend", he accused me of lying and trying to ruin his reputation. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2015 at 1:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned the hard way that my boyfriend lied about getting a vasectomy before we met, in spite of knowing how phobic I am of pregnancy and kids. His defense? "I figured you'd change your mind someday, because all you chicks love babies." FML

by nocongratsneeded / 11/03/2015 at 10:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at work, the janitor would not stop telling me how good I looked. This was after he told me he was fired for sexual harassment at his last job. He clearly learned that lesson. FML

by 123literateABC / 11/03/2015 at 10:10pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, when I went out to get some groceries with my mother, a small girl came up to me and said I was an "ugly egg" because I'm a bald girl. I had to shave my head in order to have brain surgery to relieve me of the symptoms of my neurological disorder. FML

by an egg / 10/30/2015 at 9:43am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, at school, I got in trouble for plagiarizing on a paper. The subject of said paper was where I see myself in ten years. FML

by jzidar24 / 10/21/2015 at 10:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my mom was watching me during my Taekwondo lessons. She was yelling at me to focus on my own work and to quit hanging out with the little kids. I'm the instructor. FML

by Anonymous / 09/29/2015 at 6:50pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids