FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house and sat around while he played video games. He turned to me and could see I was annoyed. Then he told his friends on XBox Live that he needed a 10 minute break to have sex with me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 12:22am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, at the library, somebody left themselves logged in to Facebook on a public computer after they had left. Trying to teach them a lesson, I updated their Facebook status to something outrageous. That's when they came back to the computer after getting something from the printer. FML

by fail / 02/16/2011 at 6:16pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, as I was driving to work in the aftermath of a terrible blizzard that came through my area last night, a lady slid through an intersection and hit my car, totaling it. I called my boss and told her what happened, only to have her tell me that we were closed due bad roads. No one told me. FML

by mandapanda / 02/02/2011 at 1:22pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

by 123roomielover / 01/26/2011 at 12:40pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at the vending machine, I put in my $20 instead of my $1. I got my change back in quarters. FML

by quarterback / 01/23/2011 at 12:43am / United States (Michigan) / Money

Today, my girlfriend called me to pick her up from jail. She'd been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

by Anonymous / 01/22/2011 at 3:20pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, we were celebrating my birthday and my boyfriend thought it would be funny to shove my face in the cake. While the candles were still lit. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I went to dinner with friends for my birthday. During the whole thing they insisted that we get whatever we wanted and celebrate, but when the check came, they all looked at me expectantly. I just bought my friends $150 of food for my birthday present. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 10:33am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, a month after my 21st birthday, I received my health exam results. I don't remember the night of the birthday because I was hammered. However, I called my friend and it's now clear that the stripper they paid to have her way with me, had Chlamydia. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 12:59pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, trying to be cute, my boyfriend threw a snowball at me. This would have been fine had it not been hard enough to break my glasses. As a college student, I have to choose between eating for the next two weeks or replacing them. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 2:09am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I returned to work after celebrating the New Year in Mexico. I wasn't feeling well, but didn't want to call in sick after already taking a vacation. Now I'm at work with diarrhea, and trotting to the bathroom every 30 minutes. My commute home usually takes around an hour. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2011 at 3:22pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't feeling well, but I decided to go anyway. I threw up in the hallway and shit myself at the same time. I waited in the office for my dad to come and get me for almost an hour while wearing dirty underwear. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2011 at 12:36pm / United States (Michigan) / Health