FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, I was run over by my own car as I tried to push it out of a snowbank. FML

by drew / 12/18/2010 at 3:22pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I went over to welcome this new couple to our subdivision with a bottle of wine and muffins. I told them I liked what they were doing with the place, then asked them when they had moved in. They replied, "Two years ago." FML

by Anonymous / 12/14/2010 at 10:02am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my cousin had moved to Texas. I would have been okay with it, were it not for the fact that not only did I loan him $3,500, but I was supposed to go with him too. FML

by Reasondon / 12/13/2010 at 3:29am / United States (Michigan) / Money

Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML

by unwed / 12/11/2010 at 1:56am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 9:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I was telling one of my patients I was upset because my sister wants to go to beauty school, and that I don't want her getting a worthless qualification and to aim higher. My patient replied saying she is a hair dresser. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2010 at 12:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was teaching my two year old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

by lovedbyallthewrongppl / 11/27/2010 at 8:03pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I woke up to the face of Billy, the puppet from Saw, staring down at me. I was so scared, I wet myself instantly. It was my cousin in a mask, who is staying over for Thanksgiving weekend. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2010 at 7:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 12:14pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was eating lunch at McDonald's when an older man sat down at the table next to me and told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. I'm a 20 year old man. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 3:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I had a job interview. When I got there, the lady interviewing me shook my hand and said, 'Hello, I'm gay.' I found this strange and I didn't know what to say, so I stated, 'Aw, it's OK, I support you.' She looked pretty offended, and I realized why when I found out that her name was Gaye. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 5:18am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I was at Wal-Mart and I asked a guy who worked there where the scrapbooking stuff was. He led me to the aisle where it was and then said, "By the way, I don't work here." FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2010 at 10:58pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have a huge meeting with the big executives of the company I work at. I have to be there in 10 minutes. I'm stuck on the toilet with the runs because I thought it would be a good idea to eat hot chicken wings last night. FML

by wtf_fml_0609 / 11/01/2010 at 12:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Work