Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML

#14124824
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20869) - you deserved it (3070)

On 12/07/2010 at 9:38pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was telling one of my patients I was upset because my sister wants to go to beauty school, and that I don't want her getting a worthless qualification and to aim higher. My patient replied saying she is a hair dresser. FML

#14059634
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6273) - you deserved it (40276)

On 12/02/2010 at 12:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was teaching my two year old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

#14003133
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26462) - you deserved it (12143)

On 11/27/2010 at 8:03pm - kids - by lovedbyallthewrongppl - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up to the face of Billy, the puppet from Saw, staring down at me. I was so scared, I wet myself instantly. It was my cousin in a mask, who is staying over for Thanksgiving weekend. FML

#13978188
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24769) - you deserved it (5506)

On 11/25/2010 at 7:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML

#13789664
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7095) - you deserved it (58778)

On 11/10/2010 at 12:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was eating lunch at McDonald's when an older man sat down at the table next to me and told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. I'm a 20 year old man. FML

#13715432
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30348) - you deserved it (5296)

On 11/04/2010 at 3:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had a job interview. When I got there, the lady interviewing me shook my hand and said, 'Hello, I'm gay.' I found this strange and I didn't know what to say, so I stated, 'Aw, it's OK, I support you.' She looked pretty offended, and I realized why when I found out that her name was Gaye. FML

#13711659
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34755) - you deserved it (16339)

On 11/04/2010 at 5:18am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at Wal-Mart and I asked a guy who worked there where the scrapbooking stuff was. He led me to the aisle where it was and then said, "By the way, I don't work here." FML

#13681370
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8017) - you deserved it (27346)

On 11/01/2010 at 10:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I have a huge meeting with the big executives of the company I work at. I have to be there in 10 minutes. I'm stuck on the toilet with the runs because I thought it would be a good idea to eat hot chicken wings last night. FML

#13674656
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9664) - you deserved it (21762)

On 11/01/2010 at 12:43pm - work - by wtf_fml_0609 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized that my dandruff issue was so horrible, that even my eyebrows have dandruff. FML

#13610452
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24153) - you deserved it (7067)

On 10/27/2010 at 1:24am - health - by ew - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to the dentist. I had to get a tooth removed. In the middle of the procedure, the power went out. I had to sit there for an hour to wait for it to come back on. The anesthetic wore off before he started working on me again. FML

#13603751
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29768) - you deserved it (2299)

On 10/26/2010 at 4:34pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mother gave me an early Christmas present; a Bissell mop so I can "do a better job" when I "clean her floors". FML

#13462104
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22116) - you deserved it (3544)

On 10/15/2010 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized that the full body wax I got two weeks ago that my wife told me would look sexy doesn't just make me look like a completely hairless ten-year-old boy. The ingrown hairs everywhere now make me look like someone with chicken pox. FML

#13443862
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21734) - you deserved it (6524)

On 10/14/2010 at 9:05am - health - by mikey - United States (Michigan)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: