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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML

#14365542
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26957) - you deserved it (7182)

On 12/28/2010 at 2:44am - intimacy - by sealy (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I came home early, and my boyfriend's car was in my driveway. Inside, he was talking to my parents. He walked right past me and left. My mother then says "He wanted me to tell you it's over." FML

#14349476
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31089) - you deserved it (2418)

On 12/26/2010 at 9:29pm - love - by strwbrry (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason she asked me to shave my beard. When I go down on her shaved, it feels more like her ex-boyfriend. FML

#14336501
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31992) - you deserved it (3356)

On 12/25/2010 at 4:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was run over by my own car as I tried to push it out of a snowbank. FML

#14248999
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21433) - you deserved it (4402)

On 12/18/2010 at 3:22pm - health - by drew - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went over to welcome this new couple to our subdivision with a bottle of wine and muffins. I told them I liked what they were doing with the place, then asked them when they had moved in. They replied, "Two years ago." FML

#14200955
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6433) - you deserved it (32102)

On 12/14/2010 at 10:02am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out my cousin had moved to Texas. I would have been okay with it, were it not for the fact that not only did I loan him $3,500, but I was supposed to go with him too. FML

#14187285
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23827) - you deserved it (3899)

On 12/13/2010 at 3:29am - money - by Reasondon - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML

#14161971
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57138) - you deserved it (3892)

On 12/11/2010 at 1:56am - love - by unwed - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML

#14124824
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20836) - you deserved it (3068)

On 12/07/2010 at 9:38pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was telling one of my patients I was upset because my sister wants to go to beauty school, and that I don't want her getting a worthless qualification and to aim higher. My patient replied saying she is a hair dresser. FML

#14059634
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6029) - you deserved it (39443)

On 12/02/2010 at 12:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was teaching my two year old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

#14003133
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25679) - you deserved it (11873)

On 11/27/2010 at 8:03pm - kids - by lovedbyallthewrongppl - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up to the face of Billy, the puppet from Saw, staring down at me. I was so scared, I wet myself instantly. It was my cousin in a mask, who is staying over for Thanksgiving weekend. FML

#13978188
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24748) - you deserved it (5506)

On 11/25/2010 at 7:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML

#13789664
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7091) - you deserved it (58744)

On 11/10/2010 at 12:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was eating lunch at McDonald's when an older man sat down at the table next to me and told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. I'm a 20 year old man. FML

#13715432
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30323) - you deserved it (5294)

On 11/04/2010 at 3:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)



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