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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, severing all forms of communication but one: Words With Friends. FML

#18653374
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23593) - you deserved it (2688)

On 12/30/2011 at 12:27pm - love - by ktinanic - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

#18506828
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44220) - you deserved it (3297)

On 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by neednewdeoderant - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that my father died a little over a year ago. I don't know what's worse; the fact that I don't care or the fact that in his will all he wanted was me not to attend his funeral. FML

#18489810
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31485) - you deserved it (6236)

On 12/11/2011 at 10:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, it was my first time as a hockey referee, for a game played by 7-year-olds. At one point, a little boy tripped another boy. Doing my job, I gave him 2 minutes in the penalty box. After the game, I was attacked by a mob of parents. I was even given an optometrist's business card. FML

#18449960
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25574) - you deserved it (2291)

On 12/07/2011 at 12:26am - work - by gmnesbitt - United States (Michigan)

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

#18414681
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25496) - you deserved it (4487)

On 12/02/2011 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by Jess49 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML

#18408949
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25378) - you deserved it (3012)

On 12/02/2011 at 12:23am - misc - by waterbottlehit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I turned 21. It's also the day I learned how it feels to have my foot and leg set on fire by a drunken idiot who thought it was a great idea to splash lighter fluid into an open-pit bonfire. FML

#18401102
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24910) - you deserved it (2480)

On 12/01/2011 at 2:00am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will erase the paint right off your wall. FML

#18301043
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24410) - you deserved it (6272)

On 11/20/2011 at 7:29pm - misc - by jazzybell - United States (Michigan)

Today, after holding it in for hours, I finally managed to run to the bathroom for a pee. I thought it was impossible for rats to climb up the sewer pipes and into the toilet, but apparently I was wrong. FML

#18192690
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32376) - you deserved it (2403)

On 11/08/2011 at 12:20pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was hurriedly doing laundry. I threw a second load in the dryer and slammed the door shut. All of a sudden, I heard scratching and whining coming from the dryer. My cat probably hates me now. FML

#18129545
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15754) - you deserved it (35876)

On 11/01/2011 at 3:02pm - animals - by benji - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

#18083202
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40870) - you deserved it (5252)

On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was giving a PowerPoint presentation in class. When I put my flash drive into the computer, my folder opened up and a nude picture of myself popped right up on a 110 inch projector screen for all 35 students to see. This is a 16 week course. FML

#18044835
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15310) - you deserved it (59049)

On 10/22/2011 at 9:25am - misc - by jaymash - United States (Michigan)

Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML

#18042854
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12734) - you deserved it (48934)

On 10/22/2011 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)



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