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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, after months of using the empty driveway across the street from my house, a note was placed under my windshield wiper. It read, "Please stop parking in my driveway. P.S. You’re hot. Are you single?" FML

#19659146
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7840) - you deserved it (36080)

On 05/21/2012 at 9:05pm - misc - by bronco_lover89 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my sister got married. It was also the day that I was supposed to deliver a heartfelt toast to the happy couple. I got so nervous that I kept stuttering and finally ended with "Congrats Beth and Steve!" Her husband's name is Eric. Her ex was named Steve. FML

#19650903
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24163) - you deserved it (8880)

On 05/20/2012 at 9:13am - misc - by shygirl - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML

#19644251
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23713) - you deserved it (4785)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:41pm - money - by me (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I planned to go on a date with a man I met online. He came to my apartment to pick me up, and I told him I'd be right out as I grabbed my purse. When I got outside, he was gone. FML

#19615076
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23390) - you deserved it (3886)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:06am - misc - by deewe (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that I've been calling my boyfriend's dad by the wrong name for the past two years. No one had told me sooner because they liked laughing at me for it when I wasn't around. FML

#19530940
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23724) - you deserved it (4041)

On 04/26/2012 at 3:11am - misc - by somefamily (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML

#19515132
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22147) - you deserved it (1858)

On 04/23/2012 at 1:50am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML

#19479496
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21873) - you deserved it (5389)

On 04/16/2012 at 6:00pm - kids - by orangechicken (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband told me to stop faking being sick, because, "morning sickness doesn't happen after noon." FML

#19460705
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28529) - you deserved it (2819)

On 04/13/2012 at 10:15am - love - by prego - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend decided that he didn't need a real job. He wants to sell pot for a living. Or hang drywall. He can't decide. FML

#19444005
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27452) - you deserved it (6297)

On 04/10/2012 at 4:57pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

#19410282
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23030) - you deserved it (2294)

On 04/05/2012 at 1:11am - intimacy - by Lionman (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while at work, I found a dead dog in a freezer. Turns out it's been in there for over 3 years. FML

#19404286
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28030) - you deserved it (2128)

On 04/03/2012 at 11:27pm - animals - by Scarred (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML

#19362512
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10499) - you deserved it (17794)

On 03/28/2012 at 8:00am - health - by hikari_chan_xo - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML

#19324348
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25394) - you deserved it (6152)

On 03/22/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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