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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know..." and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML

#18864868
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25008) - you deserved it (1888)

On 01/20/2012 at 8:21pm - misc - by shellski (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML

#18815086
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26439) - you deserved it (4307)

On 01/15/2012 at 2:26pm - love - by soontobedumped (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mother threatened me if I keep wearing yoga pants to school, she's going to have my dad pick me up in a speedo. FML

#18778372
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13935) - you deserved it (43235)

On 01/11/2012 at 7:49pm - misc - by ThatOneGirl646 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML

#18692571
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32665) - you deserved it (2206)

On 01/03/2012 at 12:32am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, severing all forms of communication but one: Words With Friends. FML

#18653374
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23277) - you deserved it (2665)

On 12/30/2011 at 12:27pm - love - by ktinanic - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

#18506828
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41361) - you deserved it (3062)

On 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by neednewdeoderant - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that my father died a little over a year ago. I don't know what's worse; the fact that I don't care or the fact that in his will all he wanted was me not to attend his funeral. FML

#18489810
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31174) - you deserved it (6201)

On 12/11/2011 at 10:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, it was my first time as a hockey referee, for a game played by 7-year-olds. At one point, a little boy tripped another boy. Doing my job, I gave him 2 minutes in the penalty box. After the game, I was attacked by a mob of parents. I was even given an optometrist's business card. FML

#18449960
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23544) - you deserved it (2119)

On 12/07/2011 at 12:26am - work - by gmnesbitt - United States (Michigan)

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

#18414681
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23056) - you deserved it (4220)

On 12/02/2011 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by Jess49 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML

#18408949
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25082) - you deserved it (2988)

On 12/02/2011 at 12:23am - misc - by waterbottlehit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I turned 21. It's also the day I learned how it feels to have my foot and leg set on fire by a drunken idiot who thought it was a great idea to splash lighter fluid into an open-pit bonfire. FML

#18401102
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22575) - you deserved it (2282)

On 12/01/2011 at 2:00am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will erase the paint right off your wall. FML

#18301043
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22117) - you deserved it (5966)

On 11/20/2011 at 7:29pm - misc - by jazzybell - United States (Michigan)

Today, after holding it in for hours, I finally managed to run to the bathroom for a pee. I thought it was impossible for rats to climb up the sewer pipes and into the toilet, but apparently I was wrong. FML

#18192690
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31482) - you deserved it (2332)

On 11/08/2011 at 12:20pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)



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