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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

#18414681
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23003) - you deserved it (4218)

On 12/02/2011 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by Jess49 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML

#18408949
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24756) - you deserved it (2964)

On 12/02/2011 at 12:23am - misc - by waterbottlehit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I turned 21. It's also the day I learned how it feels to have my foot and leg set on fire by a drunken idiot who thought it was a great idea to splash lighter fluid into an open-pit bonfire. FML

#18401102
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22539) - you deserved it (2280)

On 12/01/2011 at 2:00am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will erase the paint right off your wall. FML

#18301043
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22078) - you deserved it (5961)

On 11/20/2011 at 7:29pm - misc - by jazzybell - United States (Michigan)

Today, after holding it in for hours, I finally managed to run to the bathroom for a pee. I thought it was impossible for rats to climb up the sewer pipes and into the toilet, but apparently I was wrong. FML

#18192690
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31435) - you deserved it (2330)

On 11/08/2011 at 12:20pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was hurriedly doing laundry. I threw a second load in the dryer and slammed the door shut. All of a sudden, I heard scratching and whining coming from the dryer. My cat probably hates me now. FML

#18129545
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14540) - you deserved it (33861)

On 11/01/2011 at 3:02pm - animals - by benji - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

#18083202
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40454) - you deserved it (5223)

On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was giving a PowerPoint presentation in class. When I put my flash drive into the computer, my folder opened up and a nude picture of myself popped right up on a 110 inch projector screen for all 35 students to see. This is a 16 week course. FML

#18044835
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14910) - you deserved it (58076)

On 10/22/2011 at 9:25am - misc - by jaymash - United States (Michigan)

Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML

#18042854
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12577) - you deserved it (48513)

On 10/22/2011 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why it would be highly offensive and inappropriate for him to go as Caylee Anthony for Halloween. I think he's still planning on doing it. FML

#18030465
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22461) - you deserved it (4343)

On 10/20/2011 at 10:32am - love - by Miroslav208 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML

#17984134
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29159) - you deserved it (5977)

On 10/14/2011 at 7:03pm - intimacy - by myasshurts - United States (Michigan)

Today, my credit card got blocked. Apparently, my bank thinks buying a $130 flat iron online is suspicious. FML

#17836225
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23405) - you deserved it (5344)

On 09/26/2011 at 12:29am - money - by jpmetz - United States (Michigan)

Today, my ex girlfriend is sleeping over at my house. At some point while she was preparing to dump me, she became best friends with my sister. FML

#17764515
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27648) - you deserved it (2358)

On 09/17/2011 at 1:21pm - love - by Freechbear (man) - United States (Michigan)



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