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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, I found out my girlfriend and all of our friends have begun referring to the time I was meant to lose my virginity, but couldn't get hard, as the "cheese stick incident." They all think it's hilarious, and the worst part is that it's actually a pretty appropriate description. FML

#21319860
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29708) - you deserved it (3785)

On 12/18/2014 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, as I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, she started doing stupidly fake moaning, which then went really high-pitched like a little girl's, killing my hard-on. She says she thought that because I'm Japanese-American, I'd only be able to cum if she copied "those Japanese pornstars". FML

#21317298
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36518) - you deserved it (3731)

On 12/14/2014 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by dating a moron (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out I have sodium fluoride poisoning. Apparently, my water has a high level of sodium fluorine. I've been drinking much more water lately trying to be healthier. FML

#21313951
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29900) - you deserved it (2281)

On 12/08/2014 at 6:23pm - health - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I injured my knee during dance class. When it started to feel a little bit better, I tried dancing again. I tripped, fell, and broke my wrist. FML

#21311641
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26662) - you deserved it (5093)

On 12/04/2014 at 8:54pm - health - by dumb dancer - United States (Michigan)

Today, I farted while asking a girl out to dinner. FML

#21306727
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31303) - you deserved it (6485)

On 11/27/2014 at 10:13am - love - by fart - United States (Michigan)

Today, what few friends I have won't talk to me anymore. My ex told them she dumped me because I abused her. I never abused her. What really happened is that she dumped me in a rage after I refused to give her money for drugs. Nobody's even asked for my side of the story. FML

#21306153
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36156) - you deserved it (2270)

On 11/26/2014 at 11:42am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

#21305429
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25881) - you deserved it (3245)

On 11/24/2014 at 9:17pm - misc - by Hammy - United States (Michigan)

Today, after realizing my flashcards had fallen out of my binder, I asked my teacher if I could quickly go to my locker to get them. She said no and told me to go sit down. As soon as class ended, I went to my locker and brought them to her. Her response? "Why didn't you ask me to get these during class?" FML

#21301020
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35072) - you deserved it (2466)

On 11/17/2014 at 10:10pm - work - by ohgosh... (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, at work, a crazy customer forced me to promise to take a holiday greeting picture of my cat and myself for her. She says she'll be back and expects one. FML

#21300741
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28173) - you deserved it (3197)

On 11/17/2014 at 1:48pm - animals - by not crazy enough (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was counselling a soon-to-be teen mom. She has a younger step-brother, and when I asked her how she handled him when he cries, she said, "Oh, that's when you cover their face until they stop!" FML

#21300330
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30580) - you deserved it (2063)

On 11/16/2014 at 9:25pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, a friend wanted to show me a game he bragged he was the best at. I beat his score on the first try, and now I have a black eye to prove it. FML

#21299775
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27344) - you deserved it (2682)

On 11/15/2014 at 7:41pm - misc - by SeaBind - United States (Michigan)

Today, I once again used my phone to get out of a conversation with someone, instead of actually talking to someone on it. FML

#21298539
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22846) - you deserved it (6675)

On 11/13/2014 at 7:04pm - misc - by Jakeok (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while in a hospital waiting room, a man started talking to me. After a few minutes, he asked me what I did for a living, and I said I'm a stay-at-home mom. He looked me up and down and said, "Huh. No life ambitions, huh?" FML

#21291978
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31381) - you deserved it (6555)

On 11/04/2014 at 2:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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