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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, my roommate's extremely loud and obnoxious alarm went off six times, waking me up each time, before she finally gave up on hitting the snooze button and went back to sleep for good. FML

#21089097
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33495) - you deserved it (3237)

On 03/17/2014 at 3:07pm - misc - by IMAWAKE - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked into my elderly client's home for my first day of work. I was immediately hit in the eye with something small, and had to get medical attention for a scratched cornea. It turns out my client likes to clip his toenails right by his front door. FML

#21088031
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37065) - you deserved it (2769)

On 03/16/2014 at 10:00am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my sister brought me coffee to my office. It was really nice so I made a status about it on Facebook. My boyfriend texted me soon after, freaking out because I never put anything on Facebook about him and how great he is. I'm basically dating a 14-year-old girl. FML

#21084209
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37163) - you deserved it (6100)

On 03/11/2014 at 6:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a restaurant so I could apply for a job, and we decided to eat there. After we finished, I went to start the car. When we got home, I asked him how much the bill came to. Apparently he didn't pay. I had already given them my completed application. FML

#21079338
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39999) - you deserved it (5913)

On 03/06/2014 at 12:52am - money - by TheyHaveMyAddress - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

#21044324
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49012) - you deserved it (5270)

On 01/29/2014 at 5:14pm - love - by riiiight (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up with a skull-splitting headache. I braved the wind and freezing temperatures to get to work. Today is also the day my boss thought it would be cute to let the elementary school band play at our office. FML

#21044115
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40037) - you deserved it (3734)

On 01/29/2014 at 1:26pm - misc - by Xpload (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I learned that my new parakeet hates her reflection, and will screech loudly day and night unless I take the mirror out. My other parakeet loves the mirror and constantly cries out when I remove it. I can't win. FML

#21021435
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41216) - you deserved it (5383)

On 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm - animals - by bird - United States (Michigan)

Today, I'm now able to put my acne cream on my face without having to look in the mirror, because I've memorized the crater and trench-filled war zone that is my acne-riddled face. FML

#21016650
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39849) - you deserved it (3546)

On 01/04/2014 at 1:38pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML

#21016206
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42208) - you deserved it (19050)

On 01/04/2014 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, a customer started a conversation by telling me how smart he'd heard I am, and finished it by explaining his theory that only smart people commit suicide. He then gave me a knowing look and said, "Just something I thought you should think about," and left without buying anything. FML

#21013314
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33358) - you deserved it (2540)

On 01/01/2014 at 6:49pm - work - by Okay_Then (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML

#21012251
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42451) - you deserved it (4404)

On 01/01/2014 at 12:04am - love - by dantko (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after being married for 20 years, I found out that my wife has accounts on multiple dating sites, "just in case." FML

#21007851
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39571) - you deserved it (3134)

On 12/28/2013 at 12:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, after he repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me. He passed out halfway through. FML

#21002524
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45818) - you deserved it (5490)

On 12/23/2013 at 2:13pm - intimacy - by JoshuasGirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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