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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

#21260160
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34132) - you deserved it (3891)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I tried to scare what I thought was a stray cat away from my friend's car in our work parking garage by hitting the panic button on his keys, which did, indeed, make the creature panic. That's when I learned it was not a cat. It was a skunk. FML

Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML

#21259205
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28627) - you deserved it (4123)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:31am - kids - by HeIsKindaRightTho (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

#21258420
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34804) - you deserved it (2736)

On 09/14/2014 at 11:07pm - work - by nocat6 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, it's my birthday, and everyone, family and friends, forgot. Except my dog who left me a present on my bed. FML

#21253357
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38814) - you deserved it (2761)

On 09/06/2014 at 11:06pm - animals - by Meowit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42694) - you deserved it (3183)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

#21235555
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26154) - you deserved it (32647)

On 08/12/2014 at 2:07am - misc - by kirstyrd - United States (Michigan)

Today, while working as a barista, a customer yelled about her muffins and butter not being ready since she only had a "short time to eat". There were 7 tip giving customers ahead of her, but I rushed her order. She gave no tip and stayed for over an hour. FML

#21211312
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39503) - you deserved it (4799)

On 07/16/2014 at 10:46pm - work - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML

#21179816
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40556) - you deserved it (4579)

On 06/18/2014 at 8:58pm - work - by Shannon - United States (Michigan)

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

#21177000
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56494) - you deserved it (3949)

On 06/16/2014 at 5:38pm - kids - by FirstDaddy (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML

#21147101
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47764) - you deserved it (11702)

On 05/21/2014 at 7:05am - love - by Alone - United States (Michigan)

Today, the creepy kid who sits behind me in English class decided that sniffing my hair wasn't disturbing enough for his liking, so he tried something new: popping one of the pimples on my neck. When I reacted in horror, all he could say was, "It looked pretty..." FML

#21134831
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46945) - you deserved it (4311)

On 05/09/2014 at 1:24pm - love - by WTTFFFF (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML

#21134153
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16543) - you deserved it (67350)

On 05/08/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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