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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning on having sex. He first excused himself to the bathroom, then returned with a sad face saying he had fumbled with himself in the bathroom to get "ready" and accidentally came. He said, "I was thinking of you though." FML

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

#21263362
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32505) - you deserved it (4064)

On 09/22/2014 at 8:23pm - love - by Serire (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

#21260160
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33514) - you deserved it (3852)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I tried to scare what I thought was a stray cat away from my friend's car in our work parking garage by hitting the panic button on his keys, which did, indeed, make the creature panic. That's when I learned it was not a cat. It was a skunk. FML

Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML

#21259205
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28346) - you deserved it (4097)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:31am - kids - by HeIsKindaRightTho (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

#21258420
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34173) - you deserved it (2549)

On 09/14/2014 at 11:07pm - work - by nocat6 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, it's my birthday, and everyone, family and friends, forgot. Except my dog who left me a present on my bed. FML

#21253357
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38238) - you deserved it (2522)

On 09/06/2014 at 11:06pm - animals - by Meowit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42604) - you deserved it (3180)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

#21235555
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25533) - you deserved it (31919)

On 08/12/2014 at 2:07am - misc - by kirstyrd - United States (Michigan)

Today, while working as a barista, a customer yelled about her muffins and butter not being ready since she only had a "short time to eat". There were 7 tip giving customers ahead of her, but I rushed her order. She gave no tip and stayed for over an hour. FML

#21211312
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39458) - you deserved it (4797)

On 07/16/2014 at 10:46pm - work - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML

#21179816
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40511) - you deserved it (4576)

On 06/18/2014 at 8:58pm - work - by Shannon - United States (Michigan)

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

#21177000
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56407) - you deserved it (3943)

On 06/16/2014 at 5:38pm - kids - by FirstDaddy (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML

#21147101
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46942) - you deserved it (11439)

On 05/21/2014 at 7:05am - love - by Alone - United States (Michigan)



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