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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML

#18933385 (103)

I agree, your life sucks (5410) - you deserved it (857)

On 01/28/2012 at 12:09pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML

#18926603 (218)

I agree, your life sucks (8439) - you deserved it (855)

On 01/27/2012 at 5:03pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I didn't have plans on shaving my pubic hair. My girlfriend's braces thought otherwise. FML

#18899300 (195)

I agree, your life sucks (3384) - you deserved it (6429)

On 01/24/2012 at 3:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know..." and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML

#18864868 (102)

I agree, your life sucks (7654) - you deserved it (500)

On 01/20/2012 at 8:21pm - misc - by shellski (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed f*ck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML

#18815086 (175)

I agree, your life sucks (7099) - you deserved it (1151)

On 01/15/2012 at 2:26pm - love - by soontobedumped (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mother threatened me if I keep wearing yoga pants to school, she's going to have my dad pick me up in a speedo. FML

#18778372 (302)

I agree, your life sucks (3216) - you deserved it (12055)

On 01/11/2012 at 7:49pm - misc - by ThatOneGirl646 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML

#18692571 (103)

I agree, your life sucks (9767) - you deserved it (719)

On 01/03/2012 at 12:32am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, severing all forms of communication but one: Words With Friends. FML

#18653374 (136)

I agree, your life sucks (16343) - you deserved it (1788)

On 12/30/2011 at 12:27pm - love - by ktinanic - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

#18506828 (206)

I agree, your life sucks (11437) - you deserved it (897)

On 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by neednewdeoderant - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that my father died a little over a year ago. I don't know what's worse; the fact that I don't care or the fact that in his will all he wanted was me not to attend his funeral. FML

#18489810 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (9915) - you deserved it (1838)

On 12/11/2011 at 10:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, it was my first time as a hockey referee, for a game played by 7-year-olds. At one point, a little boy tripped another boy. Doing my job, I gave him 2 minutes in the penalty box. After the game, I was attacked by a mob of parents. I was even given an optometrist's business card. FML

#18449960 (95)

I agree, your life sucks (7705) - you deserved it (659)

On 12/07/2011 at 12:26am - work - by gmnesbitt - United States (Michigan)

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

#18414681 (195)

I agree, your life sucks (6050) - you deserved it (1215)

On 12/02/2011 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by Jess49 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML

#18408949 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (7890) - you deserved it (978)

On 12/02/2011 at 12:23am - misc - by waterbottlehit (woman) - United States (Michigan)