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FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

#20865525
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42349) - you deserved it (4699)

On 09/03/2013 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I resigned from my job in favor of a higher-paying one. After I filled out and filed the necessary papers, my boss told me that I had been nominated to replace him when he retired in a month. His job pays at least twice what I'm now making. Thanks for telling me, asshat. FML

#20863852
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40288) - you deserved it (14092)

On 09/01/2013 at 11:18pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML

#20848780
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52694) - you deserved it (3830)

On 08/22/2013 at 12:40am - love - by Embarrassed (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML

#20844068
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47989) - you deserved it (2746)

On 08/19/2013 at 12:30am - misc - by iwannagotomiamitoo - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updated her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commented, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML

#20816836
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51655) - you deserved it (5654)

On 08/02/2013 at 10:53am - love - by tkghan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was buying condoms but was a little embarrassed so I went to the self-check. I scanned the condoms, then a magazine and tried to put the condoms under the magazines to hide them. The store guy saw me, thought I was shoplifting and I was kicked out of the store. FML

#20801510
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39154) - you deserved it (14359)

On 07/24/2013 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to wake my mom up. While she was naked. On the toilet. FML

Today, I overheard my ripped, handsome, genetically perfect brother telling my mom how "fat people" make him "nervous". I have only recently accepted my weight, after struggling for years. I now understand why my brother rarely talks to me. FML

#20790160
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48460) - you deserved it (6218)

On 07/18/2013 at 9:53am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

#20726715
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40168) - you deserved it (4415)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by ouch - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I drove 2 hours to my sister's wedding, only to find out my invitation was sent to me by mistake. She had me kicked out. FML

#20712353
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57135) - you deserved it (4482)

On 06/07/2013 at 8:16pm - misc - by hopeyoushityourintestinesout (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got to wash my ex-wife's dishes at her apartment while her new boyfriend played with my daughter in the living room. FML

#20689927
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53384) - you deserved it (11596)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure ahead of my cousin's wedding. The woman doing my nails asked if I wanted my toe hairs trimmed. I was so taken aback and embarrassed that I said yes. They charged me extra. FML

#20679773
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36090) - you deserved it (12776)

On 05/22/2013 at 1:40pm - misc - by hobbit - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I have an upset stomach. Every other minute, it sounds like Chewbacca is screaming to get out. FML

#20675696
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35284) - you deserved it (4442)

On 05/20/2013 at 4:14pm - health - by pixkalexi - United States (Massachusetts)



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