FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, I found the source of the bad smell that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks in my apartment. The police knocked on my door asking if I've seen my neighbor recently. I haven't. The smell has been that of a dead person. It's a smell that even Febreze can't remove. FML

by Michael / 06/05/2009 at 5:42pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I was on the phone with my best guy friend, who I have loved for years. I was talking about school and all of a sudden he said "I love you." I flipped out saying "Oh my god, oh my god. I love you, too!" He responded with "what?" He was talking to his mom, who was walking out the door. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2009 at 4:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I went to put my laptop on a desk when I got a text message. I was startled by my ringtone and dropped my laptop on the ground. It now has dent marks on the bottom. The text message was from an annoying friend simply saying "I'm eating a hot dog." FML

by Anonymous / 05/31/2009 at 6:09pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that the closest thing I have to a savings account is the cup on my dresser with coins in it. I counted it, $17.34. That is my savings. I'm 28. FML

by mooseknuckle / 05/31/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

by Jess / 05/30/2009 at 8:48am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my grandparents were staying over my house for a couple of nights. As I was walking to my bathroom in the middle of the night, I noticed their door was open, and my grandfather was awake. I tried to say 'Hi' to him, but he didn't hear me. I then noticed that he was masturbating. FML

by ima_krackerr / 05/30/2009 at 12:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML

by poop / 05/18/2009 at 1:25pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my writing teacher entered in one of my paper grades wrong. After many emails, she said she can't change my grade unless I fax her the original. I need that grade fixed so I can keep my scholarship. I can’t find the paper anywhere. That one paper could cost me $30,000. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2009 at 10:20am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a job interview at a local business with the owner who was man, and the manager who was a woman. I thought I did pretty well because I heard the manager whisper so, as I was walking out. Then I heard the owner whisper "no fat chicks." FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2009 at 7:00am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I finally beat the song "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made in my entire life. FML

by Nick / 05/13/2009 at 6:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Geek

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2009 at 7:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML

by pdnne / 05/12/2009 at 1:48am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work