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FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

#93640
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28308) - you deserved it (48026)

On 02/21/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by acincollege (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

#90754
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17192) - you deserved it (112771)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found a note in my locker from a really hot guy asking me to prom. I went up to him saying how excited I was to go. He said "Oh you got the note?" and slipped it into the locker next to me. FML

#88303
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39052) - you deserved it (2120)

On 02/20/2009 at 1:42pm - misc - by caitiexob - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML

#79663
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16005) - you deserved it (31738)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - work - by wow (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I told a girl I liked her. She replied, "Don't". FML

#75697
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55460) - you deserved it (5200)

On 02/19/2009 at 2:08am - love - by grlks (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my grandmother called. She greeted me by my mother's name. When I told her it was not my mother, she apologized and corrected herself, but this time she addressed me as my sister. When I told her it was not my sister either, she said "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up. FML

#65383
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46123) - you deserved it (2722)

On 02/18/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by fuckthat (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I kneeled down to tie my shoe and sneezed, nailing my face off of my knee and breaking my nose. FML

#63782
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43244) - you deserved it (6449)

On 02/17/2009 at 9:43pm - health - by ouchmynose (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment when I told her I didn't have a condom. She started laughing and upon realizing my look of confusion, said "Oh, you actually thought I was going to have sex with you?" FML

#54081
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53875) - you deserved it (16142)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by pineapple456 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, as I sat on my couch heartbroken from a very recent breakup, my mother walked up to me and in a very comforting voice said, "maybe he left you for someone else." FML

#45956
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40665) - you deserved it (1988)

On 02/15/2009 at 6:51am - misc - by too bad so sad (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

#32415
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82589) - you deserved it (10924)

On 02/12/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by janedoe (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip. FML

#23475
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23594) - you deserved it (4910)

On 02/11/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by C. Kronick (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

#16023
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36416) - you deserved it (1857)

On 02/08/2009 at 9:32pm - misc - by seb21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I accidentally unplugged my headphones in the quiet section of the library, causing my music to play from my laptop at full volume. I was listening to Celine Dion. I'm the captain of the football team. FML

#14044
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16651) - you deserved it (45558)

On 02/07/2009 at 9:31pm - misc - by misc - United States (Massachusetts)



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