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FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML

#663425
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (110971) - you deserved it (4592)

On 03/28/2009 at 3:42pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, is my 18th birthday. I call my parents and they tell me they found weed in the guest house and so they called my boarding school to drug test me. It wasn't my weed. They didn't even say "Happy Birthday." FML

#660638
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63663) - you deserved it (4365)

On 03/28/2009 at 12:40pm - misc - by alrightsheryl - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at work at a preschool. I was sitting outside with the kids and was getting bored so I started singing. One of the little girls runs up and puts her hand over my mouth and tells me to stop. I'm in a select chorus at my highschool and plan to major in choral studies in college. FML

#659124
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47084) - you deserved it (9931)

On 03/28/2009 at 10:14am - kids - by justjust (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML

#640926
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93333) - you deserved it (6009)

On 03/27/2009 at 10:13am - intimacy - by tehhotness (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that driving five miles an hour under the posted speed limit is "suspicious" and cause for a field sobriety test, breathalyzer, having your car searched and being handcuffed on the side of the road. FML

#619035
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74071) - you deserved it (11118)

On 03/26/2009 at 8:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, we got our yearbooks for school. I opened to my profile to see that they misspelled my first name which is James. They wrote Lames. FML

#598465
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (147482) - you deserved it (11604)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:32pm - misc - by rusty2020 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I just got back from a Civil War Reenactment in Virginia, my first big event in years. I spent over $200 on gas and food, and had to drive for over 10 hours both ways from Massachusetts. When I finally got there I realized, I had left my uniform at home. FML

#548341
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24578) - you deserved it (56312)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:51am - misc - by Earthboundb (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML

#516952
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53182) - you deserved it (11988)

On 03/21/2009 at 8:06pm - misc - by nick (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my parents saw my report card. Now, they refuse to buy me my the new computer I've always wanted because my grades had 'slipped'. I made honor roll for three terms, and was kept off for the fourth for a single bad grade. I failed gym. FML

#504973
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60440) - you deserved it (38614)

On 03/21/2009 at 2:22am - work - by MollyMo - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got hypnotized in front of my entire school. Once I was hypnotized the guy told me that the hottest celebrity in the world was in the audience and then he told me to point out who I saw. I said I saw Mick Jagger. I'm a guy. FML

#500940
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64181) - you deserved it (9482)

On 03/20/2009 at 11:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

#497309
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29643) - you deserved it (110748)

On 03/20/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Stacy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

#343744
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17930) - you deserved it (72942)

On 03/15/2009 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

#329882
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26804) - you deserved it (290130)

On 03/14/2009 at 9:30pm - misc - by SwedishBozo (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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