FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, at my girlfriend's place I cleaned up her room, put candles everywhere, scented the air and placed rose petals all over her bed in an attempt to be romantic and loving. The first thing she said when she saw all this was "uggg I have to clean all this up". FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2009 at 2:05am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my friend over videochat every explicit detail of what I had in store for my boyfriend later on in the day. I only realized afterwards that her whispering during the story was her way of trying to tell me her dad was in the room listening to the whole thing. FML

by whorica139 / 09/01/2009 at 8:59pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, someone broke my car's left side mirror. A friend of mine was buying a replacement one and texted me to confirm which one I needed. He asked: "It's the driver's side, right?" To which I replied: "Right". I got the wrong mirror. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making love to my girlfriend and was pretty impressed with myself for lasting through multiple songs. Then I realized her ipod was playing a medley. I only lasted 3 1/2 minutes. FML

by sadinthesack / 08/31/2009 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML

by mylifesucks / 08/30/2009 at 12:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I had to buy another pair of 'fat jeans', because my old 'fat jeans' became my new 'skinny jeans'. FML

by FML / 08/30/2009 at 10:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took the kids I'm babysitting to the farm to feed the animals. They were a little scared of the llama, so I showed them how nice it was by feeding it a lot of bread. Then, as I was telling the farmer how I loved the llama and wanted to take it home, it spit grass and bread all over my face. FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2009 at 2:58am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend and his parents met my family. My grandpa thought it would be funny to walk around with a realistic gun and make references about being in the mafia. The rest of my family went along with it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2009 at 11:35am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was the last day of camp. I told my friends we should exchange e-mail addresses so we could stay in touch. Apparently, they all had already exchanged their contact info. Nobody asked me for one piece of my contact info even once during the entire six weeks. FML

by Lonely / 08/23/2009 at 3:09am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. As I was leaving his house I hear him shout "Hey! Wait! Sweetie, come back here!". He was talking to his cat who ran out the door behind me. FML

by roostergirl / 08/22/2009 at 11:39am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my mom explained to me that looking up gay porn on the internet is bad. I didn't look up gay porn. The only other person who uses the laptop is my dad. I couldn't tell her the truth and had to pretend I enjoy gay fanfiction. FML

by weeks / 08/19/2009 at 12:41am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was planning on asking out a girl I've been really close to for a few months now. I was with her when I got a forward text from my friend. It was from the girl and it said "noooo tell him not to ask me out I don't like him." I got rejected via forward text before I told her how I felt. FML

by Tgreject / 08/16/2009 at 12:33am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was working at a shoe store and was helping a dude try on shoes. He looked like trouble and I wanted to finish with him. When he finally picked his shoes, he abruptly stood up and ran out of the store with the shoes on. The cost of them was deducted from my salary. $240. FML

by smallpaycheck / 08/15/2009 at 8:49pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money