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FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, I was taking the AP Biology exam. It’s strictly timed, yet my proctor spent 30 minutes (a third of the time we have) talking about his sexual relationship with his wife, who was also proctoring. I don’t know how I did on the test, but I now know my proctor had erectile dysfunction. FML

#1842179
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58347) - you deserved it (2997)

On 05/11/2009 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by JSF1234 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while powerwashing my deck, a bee flew and landed on my leg. Thinking I'd just wash it away before it stings me, I aimed the powerwasher nozzle at the bee. A bee sting isn't nearly as painful as powerwashing your leg. FML

#1818559
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11021) - you deserved it (76914)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:39pm - work - by jokada (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while babysitting, I gave the boy a pen and paper because he wanted to draw me. When he was done, he let me see but then said, "Wait! I'm not done." He took it back and basically colored in the arms. I said, "I'm not wearing long-sleeves." He said, "That's hair." FML

#1807678
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44732) - you deserved it (7413)

On 05/10/2009 at 9:18am - kids - by thesitter (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML

#1744807
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52612) - you deserved it (12629)

On 05/08/2009 at 7:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML

#1701817
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19362) - you deserved it (64517)

On 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by schmoodles - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to a Bat Mitzvah. We played a game where all of the girls grabbed one of their shoes and placed it in the middle. Then, all of the guys had to pick a shoe. Whatever guy picked the shoe, the girl had to dance with. No one picked my shoe. Everyone else was dancing except for me. FML

#1598244
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52235) - you deserved it (4580)

On 05/03/2009 at 4:09pm - misc - by xoxo96 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I overheard my dad's friend complaining to my dad that his new baby boy is a ginger. I continued listening, and heard my dad saying, "Yeah, there's nothing worse than having a ginger." I'm his daughter. I'm a ginger. FML

#1591597
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56477) - you deserved it (6436)

On 05/03/2009 at 12:40pm - misc - by Deirbhile (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor went through the normal questions, then paused for a moment and jotted something down. Later when I got back my report from the checkup, I noticed that the doctor had checked the "no" box by "sexually active." She didn't even ask me that. FML

#1536104
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77359) - you deserved it (5767)

On 05/01/2009 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML

#1493509
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14019) - you deserved it (92328)

On 04/30/2009 at 3:44pm - intimacy - by cait (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my coworker sent an email to the whole company asking us to fill in a survey. I've been secretly seeing her for two months, so I responded with "sure thing baby, and by the way I ran out of condoms, can you bring more for tonight?" I accidentally hit reply all. FML

#1489394
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14698) - you deserved it (83186)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML

#1487277
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52022) - you deserved it (10252)

On 04/30/2009 at 10:55am - work - by RckRagman (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML

#1470425
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41390) - you deserved it (10011)

On 04/29/2009 at 8:14pm - misc - by BrandNewKadillak - United States (Massachusetts)



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