FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, I learned my wife wasn't speaking to me because our daughter told her I kissed another woman. My daughter neglected to mention that this happened when she came to work with me yesterday, and the kiss was between me and the dummy I use to teach my interns CPR. My wife doesn't believe me. FML

by fmldr / 12/03/2009 at 6:34am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 months has been faking his southern accent. FML

by wooed / 12/02/2009 at 10:15pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I told my long distance girlfriend I will be coming half way across the country to visit here since I have not seen her in a month, I gave her my flight information so she could pick me up at the airport. She responded with "That's when The Office is on, can you take a cab?" FML

by Bostonian / 12/01/2009 at 10:18pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML

by xXxJoe16xXx / 12/01/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend. Actually, she isn't all that crazy. He really did cheat on her with half a dozen other girls. The same girls he's apparently cheating on me with. How do I know for sure? Thank you crazy ex for his email passwords. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 9:06pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, a funny smelling liquid was sprayed all over the computer. Last week, I told my fully pottytrained but extremely reluctant toddler that he couldn't play Barney games until he used the big boy toilet. A 4 year old's revenge really sucks. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 4:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a camera someone left at our house. I looked at the pictures, and saw my grandma in a sexy outfit. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 4:09pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a date and it was going great. When we got our meals, he told me I had to try what he was having, and he fed me a bite. I said something like "oh that was cute" and he replied with "I was just trying to see how big your mouth is." FML

by OpenWide / 11/23/2009 at 10:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for 6 weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in 2 weeks. FML

by bleh / 11/23/2009 at 5:29pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I submitted an entry for a logo design contest for my employer. Apparently, it is possible to lose a contest even when you had the only entry. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2009 at 3:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML

by whatthewhat / 11/18/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I was waiting at an intersection. Across from me, a car was approaching and a bunny ran out. Trying to save it, I flashed my lights and beeped at the car crazily, when the bunny turned around. The lights turned, and as I drove forward the bunny came back out and I hit it. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2009 at 8:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I found a gift card under my bed that I lost a few months ago for $400 to a store that went out of business last week. FML

by fmfl / 11/17/2009 at 4:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money