FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, I snuck out of work 2 hours early. As I was speeding away so I wouldn't be seen, I rear-ended my boss as he was leaving the lower parking lot for a late lunch. FML

by Ilovelife07 / 01/14/2010 at 10:14am / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I woke up at 3am because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2010 at 8:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2010 at 1:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I realized why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

by Amber / 01/10/2010 at 12:17pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2010 at 10:30pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2010 at 1:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, while using the bathroom on an airplane, someone walked in on me wiping my butt. That person just so happened to be the stranger I was sitting next to. It was an 8 hour flight. FML

by GeorgiaBOYY / 01/04/2010 at 12:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I put cucumber slices on my eyes to help me relax. I found this very calming till I woke up to ants trying to eat my eyes out. FML

by jumpy / 01/03/2010 at 6:59pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I handed my friend a $50. I paid her to take care of my farm on Farmville, feed my fish on Fishville, and flip my burgers on Cafe World, while I went on vacation for a week. FML

by loser / 01/03/2010 at 7:00am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, the 6 year old girl I was babysitting asked me, "Why are you so ugly? Are you an alien? Because aliens are about as ugly as you are." FML

by silverstar189 / 01/01/2010 at 10:41am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, Facebook told me I should reconnect with my husband. FML

by reconnect / 12/27/2009 at 1:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was feeling proud of myself because I finally quit World Of Warcraft. I later found out about the gift my dad's family gave me. It was a 12-month subscription to World Of Warcraft. FML

by thatguy / 12/26/2009 at 6:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my mom is getting rid of cable TV. My dad and I bought her a 700 dollar plasma screen TV for Christmas. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 2:45pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money