Today, I went to a chinese restaurant with my asian girlfriend. When she went into the bathroom I practiced saying "Can we have sex" in chinese which is where she is from. After saying it a few times out loud, a waiter walked by and stared at me. When he gave me the check he included his number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17485) - you deserved it (50182)
On 05/22/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32597) - you deserved it (16293)
On 05/18/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by poop (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I found out that my writing teacher entered in one of my paper grades wrong. After many emails, she said she can't change my grade unless I fax her the original. I need that grade fixed so I can keep my scholarship. I can’t find the paper anywhere. That one paper could cost me $30,000. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61083) - you deserved it (7112)
On 05/16/2009 at 10:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had a job interview at a local business with the owner who was man, and the manager who was a woman. I thought I did pretty well because I heard the manager whisper so, as I was walking out. Then I heard the owner whisper "no fat chicks." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33878) - you deserved it (5605)
On 05/15/2009 at 7:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I finally beat the song "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made in my entire life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42603) - you deserved it (27493)
On 05/13/2009 at 6:20pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8709) - you deserved it (48954)
On 05/12/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37330) - you deserved it (5452)
On 05/12/2009 at 1:48am - work - by pdnne (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, it's the five year anniversary of my father's death. I was cuddling with my boyfriend and crying about how much I missed him. He replied with, "Sometimes, I think you just like to hear yourself talk." FML
I agree, your life sucks (73809) - you deserved it (7579)
On 05/11/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by bezoar10 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car he pepper sprayed me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (109003) - you deserved it (6845)
On 05/11/2009 at 2:55pm - work - by Ilovelife07 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was taking the AP Biology exam. It’s strictly timed, yet my proctor spent 30 minutes (a third of the time we have) talking about his sexual relationship with his wife, who was also proctoring. I don’t know how I did on the test, but I now know my proctor had erectile dysfunction. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51819) - you deserved it (2143)
On 05/11/2009 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by JSF1234 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while powerwashing my deck, a bee flew and landed on my leg. Thinking I'd just wash it away before it stings me, I aimed the powerwasher nozzle at the bee. A bee sting isn't nearly as painful as powerwashing your leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8718) - you deserved it (59529)
On 05/10/2009 at 4:39pm - work - by jokada (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while babysitting, I gave the boy a pen and paper because he wanted to draw me. When he was done, he let me see but then said, "Wait! I'm not done." He took it back and basically colored in the arms. I said, "I'm not wearing long-sleeves." He said, "That's hair." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39013) - you deserved it (5719)
On 05/10/2009 at 9:18am - kids - by thesitter (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47223) - you deserved it (11194)
On 05/08/2009 at 7:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Friday 24 May 2013
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