FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, I realized that in French, my name means "penis." This wouldn't be so bad if my dad wasn't fluent in French. FML

by kiki / 08/05/2010 at 2:24pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I went surfing. One of my instructors came up to me and told me that the other, good looking, instructor didn't have a girlfriend. Who then turned around and said "I do if you are trying to set me up with her." FML

by nu_ravers_101 / 07/27/2010 at 9:56am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I learned that my mom's laptop was originally my Christmas gift. She opened it and decided she liked it so much she should have it. I got hot rollers. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2010 at 7:43pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Geek

Today, after suggesting to my daughter for a while that she should try out for a cheerleading team to become more confident, she went to tryouts. She didn't make the team and she's spent the last six hours in her room crying. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2010 at 1:09pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML

by bobby / 06/12/2010 at 6:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I had a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of it she says, "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." I watched her get up, walk over to the door, leave, get in her car, and drive away. FML

by Th3BaconNinja / 06/07/2010 at 10:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I went downstairs after a family argument. The front door was kicked in, the sink faucet was snapped off, and there were broken plates all over the kitchen floor. I later found out that the argument was over who left the refrigerator door open. FML

by mark / 06/06/2010 at 7:48pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2010 at 8:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asks "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML

by weirdedout / 05/24/2010 at 11:14am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, me and a couple of friends decided to go camping in a national park . When we got there, a ranger came up to us and said, "There have been many sightings of coyotes, don't worry, if they charge you, they'll bluff and flee at the last moment." We met a coyote, it didn't bluff. FML

by Coyote / 05/17/2010 at 7:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive". She called me a cow murderer. FML

by meatballz / 03/16/2010 at 12:28am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, after going to the doctor to have him look at a rash on my man bits, I asked him how to get rid of the redness. He shrugged and said: "Don't worry, nobody will see it other than you and me." He's right. FML

by argh / 03/12/2010 at 7:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I thought a pipe was going to burst in my shower because it was making such a loud rumbling so I called my boyfriend freaking out telling him I didnt know what to do. After taking a second to look a little harder, I realized it was my vibrating razor against the shower wall. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2010 at 9:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous