FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, after having my jaw wired shut for 2 months, I finally got to eat. During the first bite of my sandwich I pulled my jaw out of place. FML

by Anonymous / 03/08/2011 at 6:23pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself all night, was my sister's Furby she stuck in the closet. FML

by Spooked / 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

by nick / 03/05/2011 at 8:42pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2011 at 12:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I started lessons on snowboarding. As soon as I got to the top of the hill, my instructor pushed me saying, "Just believe, it'll come to you!" He said this just before I hit a tree, breaking my nose. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2011 at 12:07am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I had to spend all of my money on textbooks even though my refrigerator is empty. Starving and frustrated, I called home to ask for money for groceries. My mom told me I could afford to skip a few meals. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2011 at 11:04am / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, I was asked out by a guy I've liked since the beginning of the year. All I could say was, "I have to pee", and ran into the men's bathroom. FML

by blaahh / 02/18/2011 at 8:35pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was on the bus. I heard a click right before something small hit my cheek. I looked over to see the lady next to me cutting her long, dirty fingernails. The bus was too crowded to move and It was a 20 minute ride to work. FML

by clips / 02/16/2011 at 4:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I toured an art museum. Our tour guide had an obvious lisp, so I tried my best not to laugh. When she asked me a question about a sculpture, I accidentally responded "Yeth ma'am". She ended the tour right there. FML

by Sam / 02/09/2011 at 3:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother got me to guess who she spent the night with. I then find out it was the gas station guy. The same creep that I've been complaining about because he hits on me every time I go get gas. Good pick Mom. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2011 at 10:01am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the room and went to the bathroom to throw up. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2011 at 9:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, while snow plowing I accidentally ran over my kid's basketball. I told him what had happened and he responded by spilling his ant farm into my underwear drawer. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2011 at 9:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 1:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids