FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, while making love to my wife, I let slip her sister's name. I don't think it would calm her down much if I told the truth: I was actually thinking of an ex girlfriend who shares the same name. FML

by scalmon / 05/13/2011 at 1:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I stubbed my toe against the corner of my bed, causing me to gasp and moan in pain. My parents overheard, and now I'm getting the full coming of age talk and how I shouldn't lie about what I was doing. I didn't do anything. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2011 at 8:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my identical twin sister got in trouble for sneaking out of the house to see her boyfriend. My father decided to ground both of us, because it would be "too confusing" for him otherwise. FML

by Monika / 05/05/2011 at 5:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I got pulled over. Suspicious that I'd been drinking, the police officer made me walk a straight line and recite the alphabet. I failed both. I was completely sober. FML

by spekledworf / 05/02/2011 at 5:30pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went out on a date with an ex boyfriend that I hadn't seen since college. He took me to a bar, where he was oddly quiet, but drank heavily. When the bartender asked us if we were ok, he replied, "This is my ex girlfriend. Can you believe she used to be skinny?" FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2011 at 1:21am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2011 at 3:49am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I was at the bakery I work at. A man came in to pick up a cake he said he ordered, but we could find neither the cake nor the order form. He yelled at me about being 'incompetent' before remembering that he had ordered the cake from a different bakery. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2011 at 6:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, my dad decided to wake me up by opening the shades and having the sun shine on my face. When he pulled them up, the metal holder on top broke off and fell on me. FML

by zoearcu / 04/17/2011 at 2:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML

by inalotofpain / 04/16/2011 at 8:46am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn't unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to "put the key in the door". I had forgotten about that option. FML

by andimanastudent / 04/13/2011 at 5:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I found out that if I were 2 inches shorter, I would have to sit in a booster seat in the car. I'm about to turn 22. FML

by shorty / 04/11/2011 at 1:36pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally confessed my feelings to my long time crush. He was the only one I've been able to muster up the courage to open up to. He replied "lmao" and hasn't texted back since. FML

by notfunny / 04/08/2011 at 9:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I gave up my seat on the subway for an elderly man. He thanked me by grabbing my ass. FML

by Groped / 04/01/2011 at 8:45pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation