FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, my landlord told me he is raising my rent next month. I thought he was kidding until he asked if I still wanted to live here. My landlord is also my live-in boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2011 at 7:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2011 at 1:03pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my grandmother updated her will. Previously, it denied inheritance to family members with non-white spouses, and any mixed-raced children. Now it does the same with politically correct terminology. She then bragged about how accepting she is in front of my Korean husband and our daughter. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2011 at 8:59pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML

by iannie / 07/31/2011 at 5:45pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML

by James / 07/31/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend of two years. He asked me to turn off my webcam. I asked why, and he said to just trust him. Turns out it was because he didn't want to see my face as he broke up with me. FML

by emily / 07/15/2011 at 6:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML

by anon / 07/14/2011 at 9:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my parents found my stash of alcohol. They drank it all within a single evening. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2011 at 11:38am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2011 at 5:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I was sitting at the computer browsing various websites. In my attempt to scoot the chair forward, I hit my knee against the desk that my computer was on, and ended up breaking it. I literally broke my knee sitting on my ass. FML

by Charles / 06/21/2011 at 12:59pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML

by julia / 06/11/2011 at 7:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my fiancé, the love of my life, informed me that he proposed because he was sure I'd say no. He was hoping it would lead to our breakup. FML

by Username / 06/11/2011 at 1:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, is the anniversary of my cat's death, so I went to visit her grave in the pet cemetery. Someone had spray-painted "Your cat sucks" on her grave. FML

by nrelavender / 05/25/2011 at 10:48pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals