FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML

by craigtm029429 / 03/01/2012 at 7:47pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML

by fmylifebigtime / 02/25/2012 at 9:35am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have to follow through with the bet I lost over the Super Bowl game. I don't have a problem running a lap nude around my block, but the cops in the police station right across from my house probably will. FML

by MillyMan / 02/07/2012 at 12:58pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I arrived at the pizza place I work at to find that I'd been fired. Apparently, the class stoner came in last night and not only demanded a free pizza, but also claimed that I always gave him one. I've never talked to this kid in my life, but my boss still doesn't believe me. FML

by LowerCrust / 01/29/2012 at 9:36pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I had to Google how to find the area of a circle. I'm working on my PhD in engineering. FML

by pirsquared / 01/27/2012 at 8:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my job at a luxurious retirement community was terminated when I ran over an old lady with my work golf cart. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2012 at 10:42am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

by Jman6295 / 01/07/2012 at 7:12pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I found out my roomie has lost her only source of income. This means I'm responsible for all the bills and the rent. I would kick her out and get someone else, but she's my mother. FML

by cul8erqtpie20 / 01/03/2012 at 11:35am / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, I was having 'goodbye' sex with my boyfriend. Now for the next four months he's going to remember our last time as the one where I farted and couldn't stop laughing. FML

by atleese / 12/31/2011 at 10:37am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, we found out where our daughter had been hiding her crayons. We also found out why our stereo stopped working. FML

by Peter / 12/26/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2011 at 4:41pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous