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FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML

#19522939
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22931) - you deserved it (17237)

On 04/24/2012 at 5:28pm - misc - by Jaclk - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML

#19499543
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16380) - you deserved it (9085)

On 04/20/2012 at 3:34am - misc - by Ashamed (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I witnessed a car accident. Being an experienced paramedic, I rushed to the scene to see if anyone needed help. As I assessed the people involved, one of them pickpocketed me. FML

#19496982
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26072) - you deserved it (1657)

On 04/19/2012 at 6:33pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I overheard a conversation between coworkers, during which my name was mentioned, then, "and then I followed her around for a bit, but she didn’t do it again." Everyone laughed. I've no idea what I did that was so funny. FML

#19492319
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19838) - you deserved it (1762)

On 04/18/2012 at 9:15pm - work - by What? (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my best friend texted me saying she is determined to find out what skank her brother is sneaking around with. I've been secretly dating her brother for months; apparently I'm the skank. FML

#19482686
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10201) - you deserved it (33946)

On 04/17/2012 at 4:29am - love - by OL2R - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

#19453436
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18208) - you deserved it (47339)

On 04/12/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by girly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I learned that when you take off your sweatshirt, it can get stuck in your braces. I was in public. FML

#19426271
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19871) - you deserved it (3165)

On 04/07/2012 at 10:10pm - misc - by Millian2 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML

#19274783
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6545) - you deserved it (27017)

On 03/13/2012 at 11:22pm - misc - by Emma Five (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML

#19263580
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34752) - you deserved it (5442)

On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML

#19198099
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24971) - you deserved it (1524)

On 03/01/2012 at 7:47pm - work - by craigtm029429 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML

#19159712
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39115) - you deserved it (2990)

On 02/25/2012 at 9:35am - intimacy - by fmylifebigtime - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML

#19088881
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23523) - you deserved it (2646)

On 02/15/2012 at 8:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I have to follow through with the bet I lost over the Super Bowl game. I don't have a problem running a lap nude around my block, but the cops in the police station right across from my house probably will. FML

#19017961
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8962) - you deserved it (30101)

On 02/07/2012 at 12:58pm - misc - by MillyMan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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