FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, I found a great recipe for dinner, and emailed it to myself with the subject "Dinner tonight". Hours later, I'd forgotten all about it, opened my emails, saw the subject line, and thought someone was asking me out to dinner. I got really excited until I saw the sender address. FML

by Mels / 01/06/2014 at 3:57pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees. For some reason, everybody pronounce it "your anus". FML

by yarenis / 12/24/2013 at 5:45am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, the "man cold" has infected my brother. He honestly thinks he's dying. He only has the sniffles. FML

by linzl00 / 12/06/2013 at 7:21am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I got a new chair at work. After spending 3 hours putting it together, I was called into my boss's office and let go. FML

by helpme / 12/03/2013 at 11:05pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, my friends started calling me "Soberman" because I recently gave up alcohol and have a Doberman. Normally, I wouldn't mind the nickname, but they call me Soberman everywhere. My new boss now thinks it's because I AM an alcoholic. FML

by juice723 / 11/20/2013 at 6:09am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a seizure in class. Being an epileptic, I had warned my professor of the possibility that I could have one in class. She was understanding and seemed very concerned about my issue at the time. After I had the seizure, however, she asked me if I had ever tried exorcism. FML

by seizuregirl17 / 11/19/2013 at 10:00am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I donated blood. Afterwards, I regained consciousness on the floor with a half-eaten cookie in my mouth. FML

by Haberdashing / 11/13/2013 at 3:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I failed on a school presentation because I was not prepared. Apparently, the fact that my computer crapped itself and started giving off smoke last period isn't a good reason for not having my presentation prepared. FML

by pissedandcomputerless / 11/07/2013 at 1:42pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

by Asshole hornet / 10/28/2013 at 4:18pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke a glass in the kitchen and accidentally stepped on it, cutting his foot. He asked me if I could help him clean his cut. Apparently, he's ticklish and I now have a huge bruise on my chest from where he kicked me. FML

by ouch.... / 10/21/2013 at 9:24pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire power point based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 10:29am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, as I worked as a cashier, two girls came up laughing. I smiled as I rang them up, asking what had made them laugh so hard. One looked me dead in the face and said, "You." They then both walked away, laughing. FML

by amy / 10/16/2013 at 5:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

by Lady Douche of Asscrackington / 10/10/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids